Ash Unabashed

I MOVED!

2008-06-09T20:40:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

I moved ... you can now catch up with my semi-weekly musings at:

AshUnabashed.com

P.S. Be sure to tell me how darling my new blog is!

Also, AshUnabashed.com is best viewed with Firefox or Safari!

Monday Night Dinner

2008-06-03T00:05:00.000-07:00

And by night, I actually mean, night. No "evening" about it.

Monday night dinner: Pulled Pork Sandwich with Crunchy Coleslaw on a Brioche Bun
The I used too much dressing with the coleslaw so it came out a little too "slaw-y," but it was still pretty tasty. Although I loose 2 points for not eating dinner until 9pm, and another 2 points for eating while watching Kim Kardashian parade around in a nurse outfit for my future husband, Reggie Bush.

Tomorrow I’m going out to lunch with M and Mel, and I can hardly wait. And my gut will thank me because we’re going out for sushi! Mmmmm. Here I come Okinawa roll!

Current Obsessions

2008-06-02T22:57:00.000-07:00

Fortunately, I've been very busy at work writing press releases galore and studying the Chambers US Law Dictionary and the AP StyleGuide. (I know, I know, this doesn't sound like much fun, but I'm learning so much ... and everyone knows I'm actually cheesy enough that I love learning about new things, even law dictionaries.) This is *fortunate* for me so I can take my mind off other, (uh, hum) personal, messy and complicated matters.

I found that I am still occupying my time with my preferred fixations. I have no idea why these things are so prevalent right now, they just are. (Umm, if there's something out there--- please give me a sign before I jump out the window. And if you see fit, more guidance than my current sign of a choice ... a mojito. Thanks.)

A bit of humor in the dark: Current Obsessions

Pistachio: the nut, the color & Jell-O pudding.
Anyone who calls me Dazzle Pants. Swoon.
Chelsea Lately. (All I can say is, "Hi Vodka, are you there? It's me, Chelsea.") Honey, I feel you. My book is titled, "Hi Self-Destruction, are you there? It's me, Ash."
Spending obscene amounts of time Googling Travis. I've found out he bought a house in Tualatin. All I can ask is, "Yikes. Why???"
My new patent yellow bag.
Beef Pho. I'm going to whip up Stephanie's crock pot version that she made last week and I've been dying to try!)
Keeping Up With The Kardashians. (Does anyone see a theme here? A cocktail habit + too much E! channel = bad news.)
Shopping and cooking. (Yes, I'm going to post dinner pictures again. What has this blog come too? A cooking blog! What? No!)
Death Cab for Cutie. (My sister bought us tickets for their upcoming concert at Edgefield and I can't get enough lately.)
Peonies & Gladiolas
Crying jags. Not depression crying jags. Believe me people, there's a good reason. Like everyone says, "It just takes time." I'll be fine. (But I'm seriously annoying Nordy with my choked up messages requesting a shoulder to cry on.)
The Sex and the City movie and the soundtrack. I love it. It has become the soundtrack of my week.
Not reading. I can't wrap my mind anything that isn't music ... or apparently the E! channel. (If I start watching Denise Richards, It's Complicated, please someone help. I mean it.)

Friday Night Bites

2008-05-30T22:31:00.000-07:00

I've decided to steal from Rhi and post an overview for next week, cause really ... I got nothing right now.

Last night my Mom and I went to Toro Bravo. Yu-hum. And the ambiance is beautiful. Get the Toro Manhattan for a cocktail. Then the Sangria, grilled dates, Oregon strawberries, and melt-in-your-mouth Drunken Pork with Giant White Beans. OMG. I thought I was in heaven.
This morning my Mom and I went to the Sex and the City movie. The critics are blasphemous! The movie was good. It could be I thought so highly o f it because I started watching this show when I was 19 and immediately fell in love with Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte. But still, I was crying, gasping and laughing for the entire two hours. (And the clothes, accessories and SHOES were amazing!) And, I love Jennifer Hudson, she's the best!
I discovered a movie on Lifetime tonight, Normal Adolescent Behavior, that is appalling, scary and lovely at the same time.
Since I got paid today, and in honor of the SATC movie, I went shoe shopping online and bought two pairs. What do you think? Here's Pair #1 and Pair #2.
I called an made an appt. today for a facial at Kanani Pearl Spa. Read here about the Kanani Pearl Signature Facial. Doesn't that sound enlightening? (And just for the record ... I normally would never pay that much for a facial, but I received it as a gift from a special friend and I'm WAY excited about the pampering that will be on.)
Tuesday I'll be dining with my two most talented and fabulous mentor friends, Monica and Melissa. I'm salivating over the advice I'll glean and the conversation I get to participate in. YAY!
Rhi and I are trying to figure out some time this week to squeeze in bowling and wings. Apparently I'm craving beer and wayward behavior. What's next? NASCAR? Yikes!
It's my friend, Jeremy's birthday. I think it's a surprise party put on by his finance, Sara, so don't say anything! If you want to know where I'll be tomorrow night--- see you at Mint! I'll be the girl drunkenly singing, "May you live a thousand years, may you drink a thousand beers . . . get plastered you BAD BOY, happy birthday to you!"
Wednesday I'll be in a private event room at a posh eatery in SW from 4pm until 9pm. My company is hosting a Women's Event on (paraphrasing here!) working/handling/dealing with "Difficult People." This is ironic because the nationally recognized famous speaker who we've hired speak at this event is difficult to deal with. Frustrating and funny at the same time.
I gave myself THE CUTEST pedicure and matching manicure. How can you go wrong with the color: I'm India Mood For Love?
Tomorrow morning I'm going swimming in my Aunt J's pool. It's heated and in a pool house. Lucky me.
I spoke with Nordy today and fun news ensued. He bought a new SUV and had a hilarious story about the STP concert in Columbus, OH that him and his buddies attended. It started normally and ended up with 30 packs and jumping over barbed-wire fences (um, yes, we're actually in our twenties, not 17, so I don't know what to say), and 2 girls and 1 Madame from an escort service. Yep, that good. He'd kill me if I spilled on this blog. So I can't go any further.
On Thursday my aunt and I are hosting a Drinks, Dinner and Dialogue event with 5 special women that we love. In case you want to stalk 7 beautiful women, we'll be at Lucca. Please feel free to stalk us if you're single, handsome and free of "issues." (Basically it's just an excuse to drink well-made cocktails, eat authentic Italian food, all the while gossiping with our favorite friends.) Sounds fun, huh. Don't you wish you were invited?!!!

That's it. Going to bed. Have a good weekend!

On the side: Ash Unabashed's Red Bliss Potato Salad

2008-05-27T22:48:00.000-07:00

Potato Love: A picture of my delectable dinner tonight. Yum, yim, yum!

I got home from work a tab bit late tonight (around 7pm). I had been planning to make my famous Red Bliss Potato Salad, but was so tired ... so I told myself, "Buck up!" I had just gone to the grocery store yesterday and bought my little menagerie of fresh ingredients and wanted to create my masterpiece while everything was crisp and new ... and while I was still craving the mouthwatering combination of Danish bleu cheese, bacon, potatoes, chives and secret ingredients!

By the time I sat down to dinner tonight it was 9pm, but it didn't matter because I was in heaven! I made extra for lunch tomorrow too. Lucky me.

I recently re-read the one of my favorite books, Alone in the Kitchen with an Eggplant. It reminded me that instead of returning home, plopping myself down and eating a bowl of cereal and Ben & Jerry's frozen yogurt, I need to remember how much pleasure I get from making something I love to eat. Even if it's just one weird item. Or roasted asparagus with a Dijon vinaigrette. Or tequila-grilled shrimp with spicy rice and cayenne pepper mango slices. Or ... my famous Red Bliss Potato Salad. It doesn't need to be an entire meal (i.e. protein, carb, sugar, etc.) to derive enjoyment or fulfill me with satisfaction and validation. Does that sound crazy? Validation from a potato???Actually, it has more to do with acceptance, gratification and relishing what is important to you!

What's your favorite meal to make when you're eating solo and cooking for yourself? Tell me, what does your mouth love?

Generation X vs. Generation Y (Seriously? Is there even a fight? Umm, we have iPods, the internet and gourmet happy hours. We win.)

2008-05-26T01:50:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you all heard about the story of Kevin Colvin a few months ago? If not, quick recap--- Kevin was a twenty-something Gen Y'er who worked at a bank, wrote his boss an email declaring a family emergency and stating he must return home, and lo and behold, his lame boss trolls the internet (and more specifically his Facebook page), finds pictures of him partying in Fairy suit at a Halloween party instead of mourning the "family emergency" and writes a response to his email, attaching the incriminating pic, adding the text, "Cool wand.", and then BCC's the entire company. What an asshat. I remember telling one of my friends about this a couple months back and he said, "What a loser," and I responded in harmony with, "I know! He sounds like Bitter Boss, how lame of him to stalk his Facebook page." Silence. Then my friend said, "I was talking about the kid who lied, ditched work to party, and wore a fucking fairy costume." Oops. Need I mention this "friend" is a guy, and about 6 years older than me? Touche.

Back to the reason of this post! A Generation Xer, Robert Lanham (ugh, even his name sounds old! It doesn't hold a light to Generation Y names like, Ryan, Justin & Drew), responded to this expose' with a funny (although somewhat whiny, bitter and pathetic) article about the unsung virtues of Generation X, and how Generation Y is overly entitled, spoiled, coddled . . . and they basically suck. I'll admit, some of his words ring true, but the writing seems more targeted at the Baby Boomers who didn't give Generation X their due, less about why Generation Y doesn't deserve the praise their receiving, and reads a lot like good 'ole green-eyed jealousy. Read the article here.

The only reason I knew about the aforementioned article is because I was doing my due diligence on Radar (one of my favorite sarcastic websites) and came across this article by Alex Pareene. Hello? Rhi? Are you out there? Just so you know ... I have a new hero and new add to my Do Boy List. I HEART ALEX PAREENE! He totally whipped Robert's asshat article with biting honesty, cheekiness and best of all ... brand new, one-liner ironic statements that are usually reserved for trendy tshirts modeled by celebutards in Hollywood. Classic.

My favorite quote from Alex Pareene's article. (This pretty much sums up everything.)

I'm sorry Time made fun of your generation. But, guys, it's Time. Don't worry
about it—we Millennials made it irrelevant. We're killing print! You think we
want Morley Safer calling us the Next Greatest Generation? We don't know who
Morley Safer is!

(And just so you all know . . . . I'm Generation Y. Does that kill you!)

Crafts, cupcakes and me

2008-05-24T10:34:00.000-07:00

I've been a good little dew and haven't spent money on things I don't need. But after not being able to sleep early this morning and perusing all sorts of crafty websites, I must admit, I'm tempted. See below:

Ivey Handcrafted ::: Ivey Handcrafted is from Chattanooga, TN and has darling felted items, like custom baby blankets, petite leaf hair clips and personalized onesies. She's basically sold-out of everything, so I'm waiting in anticipation for her to restock those brooches and barrettes. Happy days for my pocketbook, sad times for my coat and hair.

Chet and Dot ::: Chet and Dot are LOCAL! They are Portland, Oregon greols and so-so-so indescribably cute. Every new baby that comes along will be receiving either a Flannel Cupcake Zip-up or a Sleepy Bunny Plush to match the Fuzzy Bunny Booties from Rhi In Pink.

While I'm waiting for Michelle and our Bend adventure to begin, I think I'll whip up some chocolate cupcakes with white frosting. It's that kind of day. I'm very excited for Death Cab and The Decemberists, but I'm also excited to come home and "nest." I have the overwhelming urge to stay home, color-code my closet, make Smash's Famous Macaroni & Cheese, write cute letters to friends, embroider, mop my floors, organize my make-up and watch Lifetime while re-reading Mansfield Park by Jane Austen. Yipee! I just realized I have an extra day to do it all! :)

Wish me luck over those mountains! I'm happy for my fun weekend to begin! xoxo

You're invited!

2008-05-22T13:18:00.000-07:00

Rhi and I are attending this in honor of my birthday in a few weeks! Are you coming ... ???

If you'd like to join the cutest girls in town, RSVP here: http://eroi5.com/

Jennsylvania here I come!

2008-05-19T12:53:00.001-07:00

Tonight two funs things are happening to me this evening. I'm meeting Rhi for HH at Ten 01 in the Pearl, and then we're walking over to Powell's for a reading by author, Jen Lancaster, who's written Bright Lights, Big Ass and (my favorite!) Bitter Is the New Black. She is on a book tour for her new read, Such a Pretty Fat. I'm very excited. I'm not sure if I'm more excited to eat Ten 01's cheeseburger sliders and truffle fries, or to actually see Jen and listen to her read. I'm funny about readings. I'm a die-hard Wordstock fan, but I'm hinky about listening to authors read their own work. I know it's supposed to be a big deal to hear them read because you're truly hearing their character voice and how they envision the work to read in their head, but sometimes it's a real turnoff. Probably because I don't want to know how it comes across in their head, I want to make sense in mine. Still excited. Yay- I get to see an author. If it was Steve Almond I'd be going bullshit right now. Seriously. I want to marry that guy and have millions of his babies, all deep, instense and with a dark sense of humor.

I was gone at the beach from Friday to Monday morning. I had cell coverage for about 1 minute on Saturday ... and then nothing. It was actually nice to get away from being so connected.

What did you this weekend? I bet Woolly enjoyed his Canadian holiday! We have an American holiday this upcoming Monday, Memorial Day. It was established as a war veteran holiday, but I bet if you asked 5 highschoolers why we take this holiday they'd say it was to BBQ. That's what Memorial Day weekend is known for: BBQing. And it celebrates the begining of summer. I have no idea what remembering veterans and BBQing have in common, but I'll be in Bend listening to the music of Death Cab and The Decemberists. What will you be doing? BBQing?

Nighttime at North 45

2008-05-14T13:14:00.000-07:00

At the end of my dashing from Albany to Portland, I found time last night to meet up with Tarot Boy at North 45 and we noshed on Stout-infused mussels, pomme frites and Belgian beer. (Then on to vodka crans for me!) Our time was fine, but something was missing. I'm not sure what it was . . . but I could tell and I'm pretty sure he could too. Maybe it was the conversation? Or lack of goofiness that was evident on our previous date? Or simply bad lighting?!?!?!? Frankly, I don't care. It was "ok" fun and I'm happy I went but I don't think he'll call again and even if he did I probably wouldn't go out with him because I get that "friend" vibe and I don't want to travel down that road again right now.

On a brighter note, I'm very excited for summer and all things girly and fun. Like Rhi's gala this weekend and Blondie's new, self-imposed label, YSB! In honor of summer, and because I'm a Summer Baby (as The Mom has always called me), I'm making a New Summer Resolution. (And I'm also trying to be thrifty because I want to buy a house next year and can't find anything less than 300k that is remotely inhabitable.)

New Summer Resolution List

Saving $ by not going to more than 2 Happy Hours a week
Saving $ by not eating out more than 2 times a week
Getting healthier by talking walks in the evening
Saving $ by extending Maytripping Month to all Summer months (i.e. not spending $ on things I don't ABSOLUTELY need) Btw- I'm buying a new pair of sunglasses this weekend because I accidentally broke mine, but I ABSOLUTELY need a new pair.
Getting healthier by listening to my intuition and visiting my new Life Coach, the amazing Susan, in NW
Getting healthier by spending more time with my girlfriends and myself
Getting rid of bad relationships/habits/attitudes (dudes who don't care about me and only care what I can do for THEM, unhealthy friendships with girls who cuss me out when I can't attend their destination wedding, and so on ...)
Watching more movies- I just threw this one in there because I have a list of 30 movies I want to see, but probably never will

Also, I have an idea. Actually I stole a version of it from person's website! GUEST BLOGGING! But I want to do mine with a CD. Explanation: I'll make a mixed CD (soooooooooooo reminiscent of high school!), send it you, you write a review about the CD (Or just about how great and fabulous you think I am) and then I'll post it on my blog. Rhi is first, but who will be 2nd? Or 3rd? OR EVEN 4th? Whoever is in. . . email me! We'll set it up! Can't wait!!!

McHottie Tarot Boy

2008-05-07T10:00:00.000-07:00

He called.

I’m over the moon. Yes, folks, he called back for a 2nd run at Ash Unabashed. He wanted to know if I could get together tomorrow night or Friday night, but alas, I have plans with Michelle on Thursday (you simply cannot cancel an anxiously awaited Girl’s Happy Hour), and on Friday I’m off to Albany for Mother’s Day Weekend. I told him I’d be home on Sunday and we could get together then . . . (said musically with a slight lilt of flirtation in my voice and hope in my words)?!?!?!?!? He said he was going back to his parents house in Washington on Saturday and took the day off on Monday, but he'd be back on Monday night, so maybe next Tuesday? I said, "Yes." (At an alarmingly fast rate--- I hope that didn't sound desperate).

I'm so happy about this progression. I love looking forward to things. Anything really, but especially new friends and new boys. It's the absolute best to expect the unexpected and have butterflies of anticipation for days. I can't help it- I'm grinning like a fool.

This turn of events couldn't have come at a better time, because there's a little relational demise going on in another relationship . . . and how does the old adage go? . . . . "The quickest way to get over one guy is to find another!" Looks like I've found boy #2.

Is everyone ready for Mother's Day? I am . . . almost. I don't have my cards yet, but I did order an assortment of potting flowers for my mother. I'm picking them up on the way out of town and on Saturday we're going to plant them together in all the pots on her large cherrywood deck off the back of the house. After Happy Hour with Michelle tonight I'm going to get the Mother's Day cards, and I may, just maybe treat myself to a movie! Does anyone else do that? I think I've gone to see a movie by myself once . . . and I don't know why I haven't done it more. It makes more sense to see a movie alone than it does with someone else- so I don't know why I've never really done it. There's a cheesy romantic comedy that I want to see, so I thought this morning, "Why not?!!!" Wish me luck!

Also, I have a very close guy friend who came out of nowhere this past week and has been giving me the best advice of my life! He's been checking in on me. (People, I needed to be checked-in on . . . I think he started to get worried when he said, "Keep on trucking buddy, when God closes a door, he always opens a window." And I responded with, "Yah, so you have something to jump out of." Yep, my week has been a little rough.) I thought the first two phone calls were a fluke, but he called me again last night and it was amazing how reassured I felt after we hung up. Attention and affection are not his strong suits so it's pretty amazing that I've heard from him 3 times already this week. Sometimes we go for a week or longer without talking. I hope he knows how much I appreciate his support and advice. He's right .. . . he usually does know what's best for me! (Because most of the time I certainly don't!)

P.S.

2008-05-04T07:59:00.000-07:00

Still haven't heard from Tarot Boy. (((Me: wishing people didn't have to play games like the 3-day-waiting-rule.))) Also, I wish it would be ok, if you think someone is cool, to just call them the next day and say, "I had so much fun with you Friday night. Let's get together for coffee and sex. Does that sound good to you?"

More annoyed

2008-05-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

Today did not start well for me. I was cozily snuggled down in my bed having a dream about Reggie Bush (minus anything whatsoever having to do with Kim Kardashian), when someone knocked on my door. It woke me up and then startled me. IT'S 7:08 ON A SUNDAY MORNING PEOPLE! I was so excited about sleeping in today because yesterday morning I was awoken at 6:30am by my upstairs neighbor's children running amok. I sat up in bed and froze, listening intently for the knocking again. "Knock, knock, knock." Amazed at what I was hearing, I jumped up and and locked myself in the bathroom. (Way to take on the bad guys Ash!) Then . . . . silence. I came out of the bathroom, rounded the corner, peeked out the side of my front window and then . . . . unlocked, and cracked the door open, tea kettle in my hand so I could smack someone upside the head if needed. And guess who it was . .. . NO ONE. This perplexes me and bothers me at the same time. What knucklehead would come to my apartment at 7am, and what the hell could be so important they couldn't call first??? Since I've been hanging out with, and speaking to boys A LOT recently, I realize there are many things that make NO SENSE WHATSOEVER, so you shouldn't stand around wondering, "What the hell just happened," you should act like a dude and think, "Oh well . .. . hmmm . . . that cold pizza sounds good . . . . . I wonder if there's a hockey recap on ESPN . . . . I bet that girl I met last night with the huge boobs would have sex with me." Do you get my point?
Moving on . . .

List of action-items to get started on early today:

Finish Nordy's thank you card
Re-vamp budget (This is a blog post in the making---- I've actually given myself my a very strict budget to abide by this month---- not much room for even happy hours, let alone shows, dinners out, movies, new clothes and shoes and music. I can do it for one month, right!?!?!?!)
Clean and scrub bathroom
Clean out refrigerator (Sadly, this hasn't been done in 3 weeks. My mom would be disgusted.)
Weekly sheet washing
Vacuum apartment (Lug vacuum back OUT of Jeep. See post below for my pissiness about this.)
Change purses. (I actually need to swap out my Winter purse collection for my Spring purse collection.)
Unpack final and last box from move. (Let's just remember that I've been living here since November 2007. I think I still have delusions that if I keep that one box packed then I everything in my life actually didn't fall apart the way I thought it did 6 months ago.
Pay bills. (Luckily for me, I do almost all my bills as auto-payment and all I have to do double check my online account once a month, record payment in my register and I'm set. This is extremely helpful now that U.S. postage has skyrocketed to 49cents per regular size letter. For those of you who aren't aware, this is the same price as a SKOR bar. "Hmmm, I could buy my favorite candy bar or mail my gas bill." (Yep- this is actually how my mind works.)
Re-organize closet. (I've been meaning to do this for awhile now. I think I'm up to 80 pairs of shoes, most of which I haven't worn in a loooooong time, and I can hardly stuff my laundered clothes into my closet anymore, not to mention there' s never enough hangers, so it sounds like it's time for a trip to Goodwill!)

Did you see "dusting" on my list. Of course not! I hate dusting. I do break down once a month and quickly Swiffer all surface tops, but I'm sure it wouldn't be up to Zo standards.

Also, I'd like to watch a Lifetime move and bake bread today.

Apparently I must be going because it looks as if I have many things on my "to-do" list today!

He's fun, but he KNOWS he's fun.

2008-05-03T20:25:00.001-07:00

Once upon a time there was a girl . . . let's call her Lambchop, LC for short. LC had many friends. She loved her friends and always tried to accommodate, help and love them as best she could. One weekend she volunteered to help one of her friends clean his basement. LC thought it would be a fun home project and saw her friend needed help in organizing his house for a future tenant. Let's call him Asshat.

When Asshat had called earlier that morning and requested LC bring her vacuum over, she didn't even bat an eyelash. She simply lugged and loaded.

LC was expecting a fun dinner and possibly going out to see a movie after a day of basement cleaning because Asshat had pinkie-promised her earlier in the week he would go to a movie with her after their day of cleaning, hauling, organizing and dumping HIS SHIT. However, Asshat rudely informed LC that he already had plans for the night, and not only did he not invite her, he paraded around in various outfits while she hauled boxes of his ex's shit outside for him. LC was starting to get annoyed. And not even annoyed at his appalling behavior and misplaced manners, but more annoyed at his ego and conceit, and complete lack of respect for our heroine, Lambchop.

(The story gets better folks.)

And to add injury to insult, after working with him for several hours and being ordered around, LC was hungry, and hoping to wind down and maybe get some yummy Chinese takeout. However, Asshat gave LC two choices: Burgerville or Pizza. (Yes really. Uh-huh, I'm serious. Really.)

After LC cleaned up their Burgerville meal and fetched her jacket, purse, and Cosmo magazine she told Asshat she was leaving, and he responded by saying, "I thought we were going to work more." LC gave in, took off her jacket, put down her purse and headed back downstairs as Asshat requested she move more boxes outside. As LC moved about 10 boxes up and down the stairs and outside, Asshat changed clothes 3 times, as mentioned above. By the time Asshat was done with his fashion show, LC had moved all the boxes outside. (As I re-read this, Lambchop sounds more and more like a fucking chump.)

The worst part of this story is that LC took it. She let him insult her in the worst way possible and did not stand up for herself. Lambchop decided to leave on the premise that, "Everything is fine." Even when both Asshat and Lambchop knew she was upset. Another "worst part" . . . he let her leave, and is probably enjoying his night and not giving it two thoughts, while Lambchop is bitterly typing away.

It dawned on LC that after two weeks of being taken advantage of, she really was, . . . pissed. (Travel back in time a week and Asshat ditched LC and one of her favoritest friends, Rhi in Pink to hit on 21 year old sluts.) Lambchop had gotten so comfortable with Asshat she had let her guard down and put him on a pedestal, and he had gone right ahead and taken advantage of that. A very savvy girl once told Lambchop about Asshat, "Be careful. He's fun, but he knows he's fun." LC had forgotten that warning, but after tonight . . . . she is very aware.

The return of the tin man

2008-05-03T01:19:00.000-07:00

I was just catching up on Blondie's blog, and came across her "Post-It" posting! It reminded me of one of our Associate's workstation a couple weeks ago. Rumor has it it was a bunch of oompa-loompa's . . . . his Blackberry and even his recycle bin got it too! (Try not to think of how much aluminum was wasted, and instead picture all the emotions that flashed over his face when he opened his office door!)

Details of Date Night

2008-05-02T22:52:00.000-07:00

I reluctantly agreed to go on a blind date tonight (set up by my eyebrow waxer) and was pleasantly surprised! I just got home and actually had a incredibly fun time.

We started out the evening meeting at Kalga Kafe (they lose one point for the annoying alliterative use) having a cocktail . . . umm, you all know me, I'll be honest, it was actually two. I've never been to Kalga before and it was awesome. I didn't realize it was a vegetarian/vegan spot, but once you get inside it's really cozy--- dark red walls and lots of candles and windows. The bar is really cute too. The drinks were awesome, very creative and tasty and we ordered the samosas and they were phenom. I want to come back and try some of their other dishes too. I love, love, love the falafel at Madena in the Pearl, but Kalga's falafel looks mighty tasty--- we might have a strong contender for Portland's Best Fafafel.

After Kalga I was feeling a baby bit tipsy, slightly silly and alotta giggly. Best part---- I was making him CRACK UP. Ladies and gentlemen . . . this is when he wooed me. He made appointments for us to get our tarots read! OMG- it was so amazing. Jadiza was our prophetic medium and told me great things like:

I'm at a major crossroads in a influential relationship in my life
I let fear guide my decisions too much, and I put too much passionate energy into situations that I know will not work out the way I want them to
I have a ultimatums I need to deal with in my life
I often don't do anything and let problems or issues sit for awhile because I don't like dealing with them
I need to learn to trust my intuition more
THE BEST PART- I chose a very rare card for the "Outside Influences" position. It signified karmaic balance in external forces around me. J told me that this is a great opportunity for me and a somewhat precious one. There is all this balanced, positive energy around me and I need to recognize it and use it. It's there for my benefit, but I tend not to notice (or probably simply ignore it) and haven't been taking advantage of it. It's adundant and I should be using this "karmic balance" to empower myself and strength my inner self.

Whoo-hooo! The news was good. I just have to figure out what crossroads I'm at and make the right decision!
After our readings we headed out to Pambiche for dinner. It was the perfect atmosphere after the somber and earthy tarot shop- bright, loud, crowded and fun. We put our names on the list and waited outside by the heaters while sipping a glass of sangria. He told me about his childhood in Monroe, Washington. Sounded idyllic and similar to mine- doting mom, close siblings and crazy family drama at times. We finally got a table outside and ordered Cuban sandwiches and more sangria. We talked more about his job (Research Analyst for Wachovia) and my utter lack of understanding at what he does. I actually said, "Umm, I don't know what that means." I think most guys would probably think, "I thought you were smart!" But he tried to patiently explain it and smiled. And then he turned to me and said quixotically, "How do you market a law firm? Now it's my turn to be confused." (LOVE HIM!) After our dinner was finished he insisted on dessert because he has a sweet tooth. At this time I was partially drunk, and wanted to pull the whole, "I'll give you something for your sweet tooth!" But Polite & Polished Ash raised her heckles and reminded Tipsy, Flirty, Sexually-Frustrated Ash to behave herself. Then I panicked. [Note to webfriends: You might not know this about me, but I have a rule about sharing desserts with boys. My rule is: I won't. I have this weird issue with sharing dessert. The only way I'll share dessert with a male is if I'm related to him (i.e. my dad or cousin) or if he's unequivocally at boyfriend status. Here's my thing about this practice: dessert is a very intimate dish and I don't share that with "just friends" or boys I don't know. I take it very seriously. I'm serious. I'm weird about this. It feels awkward to share something so sensual and evocative with just anyone. I kind of equate dessert with orgasms . . . and I'm not gonig to come with just anyone. Get it? Now you understand why I was panicking!] I feigned an aversion to all things lemony (this is a half-truth, I acutally hate lemon mereinge pie), and ordered an espresso instead.

After dinner we walked a few blocks north to Laurelthirst Pub, grabbed a table and listened to the funk sounds of a mature gentleman named, Baby Gramps. (I'm being facetious.) But this guy is pretty incredible. He plays crazy-ass instruments like washboards and homemade xylophones. Apparently he was also featured on one of the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtracks. That seems to reflect his personality: an old pirate with funny stories who has lived a hard and fast life. The pub was cozy and me and the boy sat close. Things were certainly heating up between us--- at least I thought they were! Around 11pm I decided I needed to head home before I got hopped up and started making bad decsions. He walked me to my car and gave me a hug and then >>>>>>>> whoops >>>>>>>> I didn't know if he was going to kiss me and I thought he might, but then . . . the moment was there and then . . . . gone . . . and nothing. But then . . . he leaned back in . . . AND GAVE ME ANOTHER HUG. Hmmmm, perplexing behavior. This doesn't bode well for me. It seems to me, in my experiences and the experiences of my friends, guys know what they want and most go after it. Meaning, if you're friends with a dude, chances are, he just wants to be friends. If he wanted more he'd act on it. This is bad news for Ash. No offense to all the great guys out there ,.. . . . but I need another guy friend just like I need another hole in the head. I need to get laid, and I WANT a boyfriend. I've got plenty of buddies who I can hang out with and listen to their asshat-ness and creepy reviews of every pair of female boobs between the age of 16-50.

After that uncomfortable and gauche (at least on my side) exchange (of course, he didn't seem to notice anything amiss!) I hopped inside my car and down the hill I went, back to my apartment sweet apartment. In retrospect, it was a fun night. I actually enjoyed the boy and I honestly think he had fun too. It might not have been a love connection on his part but we still had a pleasant night and lots of smiles. This is the part where I'm supposed to say, "Even if we're not a match, I've just made a new friend." If you're still delusional enough to think I'll revert to that, please see the bottom half of the above paragraph and remember my aforementioned hostility towards new boys who only want to be friends. Yep, you got it- not going to happen. So I won't even pretend that I'm going to be friends with him. About the time he calls me to ask if I want to grab a beer, watch the game and give him girl advice (meaning a girl other than me), he's officially on the Homie Hit List. Let's stay positive and pray for Ash that he'll call by Monday and ask her out for a mid-week happy hour at a swank place like, Bluehour or the VQ. PRAY HARD PEOPLE- I LIKE THIS GUY!

By the way, one of those amazing things happened this morning when I woke up. My tooth was still hurting, but by the time I got out of the shower the pain was barely discernible and then . . . magic . . . I had one of the best hair and make-up days of my life. And it wasn't just me who noticed. When I got on the elevator in my building this morning, McLawyer said, "You look good this morning, and you smell good too." WHAT?!?!?!!? I was totally stunned. Then when I got to my office Kristen was like, "You look great this morning! Your hair is so beautiful ((((more gushing about my pretty hair))). Did you have sex last night? You look . . . satisfied." So see, it was one of those miraculous days!

Are my blog friends wondering why I didn't make mention of this date before now? Don't feel jealous--- just confirm with Rhi--- I didn't tell ANYONE about it! I was expecting the worse and didn't want to have share the horror story when it was complete. This might be a good formula . . . note to self: track ROI on dating methodology.

All in all, this was a very positive experience, but I'm not going to get my hopes up because of that weird double-hug thing. Do you know what I'm talking about?!?!?!?!!!! Speaking of, what was your best blind date? Have you even had a good blind date? If not, gimme your worst blind date story! I really haven't gone on many blind dates; just in the last year did I branch out to this. My last one was terrible, but apparently my luck is changing . . . here's to karmic balances!

I haven't even put on a bra today

2008-04-27T12:36:00.000-07:00

As I sit down to hammer out a post (it's been almost 2 weeks!) I just realized it's 12:30pm and I still haven't put on a bra. I probably won't . . . at least not today! I adore days like these: sleeping in, eating cheesy scrambled eggs, doing laundry at a leisurely pace, vacuuming, watching Lifetime movies on TV, writing thank-you cards to Nordy's mom, listening to Sexy Can I by Ray J, spending hours talking with my sisters and mom and overall being lazy and unproductive. But then again, I deserve it. I spent the whole day yesterday being productive. Josh and I got his car washed and cleaned out, picked up Pearl's new medicine, toured the live-work spaces at The Jefferson in downtown Portland (we decided they're overpriced and not as cute as we'd hoped for), ate snacks and drank Corona's on his back porch, attended a pet-friendly lawn maintenance workshop, made dinner and redesigned my blog banner. (Look up! Isn't it Smashtastic?!?) It was actually way more fun than I had hoped. I love unexpected great days . . . and nights! Yay.

Btw- did anyone watch the draft yesterday? A year ago I would have vehemently denied the possibliity of little Miss Ash missing the draft, but my life has changed quite a bit. Long gone are the days of watching football games all weekend and drinking copious amounts of beer. My Saturday and Sundays are now occupied with "Gardening for your pet" seminars at the Oregon Humane Society. Honestly, I like it. Sometimes I feel like telling the universe, "Are people aware that I'm out here on my own? Like, I'm actually living on my own." See, the whole, being-a-responsible-adult-thing really scares me. I know I am a responsible adult, but I just don't feel like one. I think it's because I'm such a kid at heart . . . and possible because I giggle A LOT. And I still feel like (and sometimes live like) I'm 17. And I'm fickle. And I still like to take pictures of my friends and I drinking. Seriously. It's true.

On to Friday night . . . the best things to say about Friday night are: "Shorts", Echo burgers, Gresham Gutter Sluts, The Dimes, old-rockin'-out hippies, Erica MIA, Josh ditching us, Rhi's new boyfriend with the beautiful smile, etc. If you don't get it then you're definitely not in the cool kids club . . . or maybe you should just click here for the overview.

I hate American Airlines

2008-04-10T13:05:00.001-07:00

I'm supposed to be leaving this Saturday for my vacation, but those fools at AA didn't do their due diligence when checking D-80 aircraft wiring . . . so now I'm sitting here wondering if I'll even be able to leave Portland.

Also, I'm getting annoyed that two of my friends have not called me back and I'm wondering if I'll even talk to them before I leave.

Smash is crabby today. :(

(Although I did go out to lunch with the adorable IT guy and enjoyed the best garlic parmesan fries EVER . . . and his delightful company as well!)

I'm going to go home and listen to The Tragically Hip (courtesy of Woolly!) and cry into my wine about how unfair this all is!

The Un-Sexy Blog + 2008 Do-Boy List

2008-04-09T00:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I told a friend about my blog. My friend was excited to read it. My friend called me back about ½ hour later and said, “Why isn’t there any sex, or more sex details? You allude to so many issues and then . . . don’t deliver!”

Wow. Harsh. And apparently my friend was under the impression the definition of a blog is: a safe place for one to broadcast their sexual fantasies, deviancies and desires. Sorry, that’s not how this blog gets down! (Certain members of my family read this blog.)

For the sex section--- there’s reasoning to it. Duh. It’s because I’m not having sex. (So just rub it in honey!) I’ve been meaning to divulge, but just haven’t had the energy or . . . more honestly, the juicy details to confess. To satiate your (dirty) minds here’s my “Do-Boy” list. And I’m well aware that this list is supposed to consist of purely celebrity “do-boy’s,” but there are many more real boys than celeb-boys that I’d like to do.

My Do Boy list:

Top 5 + reason he made the list
1. Reggie Bush- because is HOT!, HOT!, HOT! and I wish I looked like Kim Kardashian, minus the show-all sex tape.
2. Conan O’Brien- because his hair flip will forever be my mating call.
3. Barack Obama- because he engages his brain. That’s sexy. And . . . HELLOOOOO- he’s going to be THE President who molds this country into a tolerant, healthy, loving, respectful home! Who wouldn’t want to be a muse to that! (Sorry Michelle!)
4. John Stewart- because he called Tucker Carlson a dick. “You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.” LOVE HIM.
5. A specific boy who lives on the opposite coast of me- because we’ve never done it, and I bet it would be fun.

If this post isn’t “sexy” enough for you, then you should probably head on over to Citygrrrl for much more explicit and x-rated fun. Tip! If you’re squeamish about “lady issues” skip post “A New Thing” and start at “Something So Simple.”

All About Ash Unabashed

2008-04-08T21:35:00.000-07:00

Lately people have been asking me what my blog is about. I tell them . . . my life. I was recently asked to describe my blog in 40 words or less. Here’s what I came up with:

My blog is about my daily life musings in Portland, Oregon including the Pearl District, happy hours, boys, clothes, shopping, events, music, love, my career, cosmetics, books, memes and anything else I need to get off my chest!

Pride vs. Prejudice

2008-04-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

In looking at my bedroom this morning, there is a certain sturcture to complete disorganized chaos. Somehow it's orderly. It looks like it's supposed to be there. Like it's taking owenership in all of it's own clutter. But you know if you remove on thing the entire mess will fall. Maybe that's why it's so striking. It's not defiance; it's pride.

The Myth of Us

2008-04-04T20:50:00.000-07:00

Reminder to self: Stop listening to Amy Winehouse lyrics while drinking abundant glasses of Willamette Valley Pinot, canonizing an ex-flame and hypothesizing all the reasons why it didn’t work out the way I wanted.

My writing workshop has compelled me:

My love has been alienated. And I know this; recognize my own heartbreak, but the force of him is too strong. Inexplicably, I return, again and again to him, although he offers me no affection or attention and basically says he wants nothing to do with me except his purr of “Ash.” And then every good intention of telling him to fuck off comes undone. I’ve come undone. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not, and will not, love me back.

the Mysteries of Pittsburgh

2008-04-03T22:43:00.000-07:00

In preparation for my trip Eastward I was thinking of buying the book, The Mysteries of Pittsburgh. I heard the book was so incredible the rights were sold and a movie was created. Apparently it was released at the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah this past February. I finally found the reviews, and they were . . . well . . . harsh. I emailed my buddy, Saw (Seriously, this is the nickname he has. I actually say this when I call him.) who lives in Pittsburgh, to ask if he’s read the book or knows anything about it. This was his hilarious response:

never read it, sounds interesting. the biggest mystery in pittsburgh is why everyone is 5 years behind the rest of the world and why people around here are so close minded.

"Wow, Saw. That really makes me want me visit!" I can’t wait to watch the spectacle that is Pittsburgh. To be fair, I’ll be visiting two Pennsylvania born-and-bred boys, who are 2 of the most thoughtful, compassionate and fucking bizzare people I’ve ever known. And both hold a special place in my heart. I’d have fun with them if we were adventuring in Austraila or just sitting on some basement couch, drinking Yueing Yeling. (Umm, I have no idea how to spell that beer since they don’t even ship it to the West Coast.) But I am looking forward to seeing N’s family, hopefully meeting Saw’s parents, visiting the Andy Warhol Museum, and doing some sightseeing. When N was living out here he once told me that Portland reminded him of Pittsburgh because of all the bridges. That’s one of my favorite things about Portland aka Bridgetown, so I can’t wait to see the similarities.
I’ll also be in Cleveland, OH. Honestly, I’ve never heard anything good about Ohio, except from my friend, Traci, who moved there and she loves it. But I believe there is greatness everywhere and if you’re willing to look there are amazing things to be seen in every city, every town, and in every country.
When I was 16 and flying to visit a close friend, Amanda for a one-week summer trip, everyone kept asking me where I was going. I replied, Oklahoma. People gave me the same response, all with a incredulous and somewhat sour type expression, “Why would you go there? What’s in Oklahoma? Yuck.”
As a somewhat naïve and not very worldly 16 year-old, I asked my mom what the aversion to Oklahoma was. She responded that most people from the NW would think of a vacation in Oklahoma as a “vacation” because of the scenery . . . “There isn’t much to do in Oklahoma. What is Oklahoma known for? People don’t necessary think of Oklahoma as vacation destination.” I really thought about this. Coming from Oregon, whenever I told people where I was from, I’d always been met with excited, complimentary praise of my home state and told how lucky I was to hail from such a green and beautiful state. It made me ponder Amanda’s dilemma. When she told people she was from Oklahoma was she met with the same pitying look? I went on my trip that summer, had a blast (at 16 the important things are malls, boys, and Sonic Dirve-Ins, which Norman, Oklahoma had in spades!) and enjoyed my time with Amanda. But I remember thinking, “I really am lucky to live in such a beautiful and geographically diverse state, but have I really even noticed it?”

Idea of the Day for DIYers

2008-04-02T07:02:00.000-07:00

Design Sponge always has such great ideas and tips, but this is my favorite so far. I’ve worked with chalkboard spray paint in the past, using it to spray baby terra cotta pots for party favors, and the middle of a tabletop for a friend’s baby present.

Scroll down in the comments for the “how-to’s” from Lindsay. Once I buy my first house and have a kitchen to call my own, I’m stealing this idea. I love the magnetic primer concept too. All those pesky sticky notes and scraps of paper I scribble reminders on will be clipped in one place. Brilliant.

I have a cold

2008-03-29T10:02:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in several days because I've been SO SICK. You would think if you're home for two entire days, feeling like shit, with a runny nose, sore throat, body aches, coughing yourself into an early aneurysm, you would have plenty of time to write in your blog. Right? Wrong! I could barely drag myself out of bed to take a shower, let alone stomach the thought of drumming up enough brain capacity to type sentences with coherence. To top it off, I had to miss a spectacular party last night with my friends Rhi, Josh, Kara, Jeremy, Amy, etc. Boo-hoo. :( And the cherry on the cake, I'm SO OVER BEING SICK! Just like an ex-boyfriend, I want to roll my eyes and tell this cold, "God, go away already."

I have two questions for you this gloomy Saturday morning. My first question lifted my spirits yesterday, but still has me racking my brain this morning.

Question #1) Do you know who sent me a fun gift at work yesterday? The card said, "Get Well Soon. Thinking of you." If you are the person who sent this "surprise" please reveal yourself so you I can give you a proper hug and kiss (after I recover from my cold, of course!) for TOTALLY making my day! I have questioned all the usual suspects, but to no avail. If you have a clue . . . I'll take it. Agent Ash is on the mend and hunting this one down!

Question #2) Does everyone know who Ingrid Michaelson is? You should. In the past 3 days I've memorized her entire Boys & Girls album. I love the simplicity and clarity of her music. She's brilliant. My top 3 personal favorites: Corner of Your Heart, Breakable & Overboard. Check it out. Good stuff.

P.S. Does anyone have any "tried and true" methods for recuperating? I think my body has built up an immunity to Alkaseltzer Cold and NyQuil.

What's your name, what's your sign?

2008-03-24T11:30:00.000-07:00

What are you doing this Friday evening? If you want to be a part of the cool kids club, here is where you'll be: Top-Secret Social Group

. . . but you have to RSVP so the doorman has your name and will let you in. No name, no entry!

Good luck!

Pearl, The "It" Dog of Portland

2008-03-23T18:32:00.000-07:00

Just making sure everyone knows how much I love Pearl. For modeling inquiries, email me. She usually responds to treats and princess apparel.

Isn't she THE CUTE!

The Unabashed Week in Review

2008-03-23T14:02:00.000-07:00

These are all the action items I either accomplished this week and/or happened. As you can see, it was a very eventful week for me!

- I finished my first non-training week at the new job. My supervisor commended me and told me I was fabulous. The Director of Marketing even wrote me an email, and I quote, "LOVE having you here." Yay me!

- One of my nearest and dearest, Heidi from Alaska, came to visit for the weekend! It was a random and impromptu visit and I was SO ECSTATIC it worked out so well. We met up on Friday night and ended up at Suki's "Karaoke Hole" by the end of the night, and I woke up with a hang-over and cold. Then on Sunday we had an early morning breakfast with Donnie and Rowan (both extremely smart and witty kids!) at Kenny & Zukes, and then I'm taking her to the airport around 5:30pm tonight. Sad, but glad we were able to catch-up- it's actually been 3 years since we've seen each other. And she had me in hysterics on Saturday night at Camellia Lounge when she was talking about how I "connect" everyone with my life. It was funny because I'm so impressed with her photo journals of travel and big changes, like backpacking through Thailand and building a new house, and feels like she can't keep up with the letters and updates I send. I guess we're both good a keeping in touch in different ways! :)

- Rhiannon and I enjoyed a breakfast at Bridges Cafe. Not only did we gab about my boy problems, her boy problems, family problems AND her 30th birthday, . . . . (we interrupt this announce to bring you a news alert)

NEWS ALERT: MARK THE DATE: Dec. 5, 6 & 7 2008. YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST. AT A CHARMING HOUSE IN NESKOWIN. THE WEEKEND WILL BE COMPRISED OF A WINE & GAMES NIGHT AND A BONFIRE & BEER NIGHT. ATTN: DO NOT TRY AND STEAL THIS DATE. IT'S ALREADY IN MY BLACKBERRY AND MY BLACKBERRY IS LAW. BACK TO OUR BREAKFAST NEWS . . .

I'm prety sure we could solve most of the world's problems over some Stumptown coffee and a bacon omelettes any given day. Seriously, we're that good.

- Sent Chainsaw one of my favorite books, "My Life in Heavy Metal" by Steve Almond, and my favorite CD of 2007, The Reminder by Feist. He received the highly prized items and sent me a cute little text. However, I am wondering why I haven't heard from him. I definitely miss our late night, marathon phone conversations. I'm hoping to hear from him soon . . .

- Met my Ryan for an early morning breakfast at Mother's. Ate the best biscuits and gravy of my life. Got caught up on everything. Promised to meet for coffee at 7:30am once a month to chat, brainstorm and support.

- Habes now has Managerial duties at Delica. I'm super excited for her, but know it's kicking her ass right now. The baby knows she's in our thoughts, and Que-Syrah and I are having a "fish" dinner this Wednesday and will be calling her amid wine giggles and squash salad to offer support. WE'RE SO PROUD OF THAT BABYGREEEEEOL! YAY!

-One last item, I attended my 2nd writing workshop class and I cannot believe I didn't do this earlier. I love my instructor and I'm continually amazed at how theraputic it is! Stay tuned for more details . . .

Some men are idiots.

2008-03-21T07:03:00.001-07:00

While at work yesterday I was joking around with a friend over email and he admitted that he had met up and had drinks with a girl that he was hiring as a business partner in an event. He also admitted that they hit it off and she ended up going back to his place and giving him a blowjob. For some reason, this irritated me. Not that I care what he does with loose women, but I think it’s because I have a large number of good male friends who all insist they want to find “The One.” They are adamant that they want to find a secure woman with the same values and expectations they have . . .or at least, this is what they tell me, and then . .. they go out at 10pm at night to meet the caterer of their next event and then end the night with a sexual favor.

Seriously? Really? You think you’re going to find the love of your life- someone you want to settle down with and raise a family with- in a woman who gives out blowjobs to someone she’ll be working with imminently? You think there’s a future in a “wham-bam’thank-you-ma’am” hook-up? I call this practice the Monica Lewinsky Syndrome: the act of declaring you’re looking someone who understands you and unconditional love, blah, blah, blah, but actually you’re full of shit and you’re looking for instant gratification . . .and you probably have a wife stashed away at home too. I’m pulling the bullshit card.

Then I speak with another good male friend last night, let's call him Paul, and Paul tells me that he has a system for dealing with his "prospective Mrs." (Yes, unfortunately, this is what he calls them.) If he gets a "wink" from a cute girl, he'll "wink" back or chat back. If she's hot then she's definitely in. If she's "semi-okay looking" (Still not joking, he actually used all these words) then he'll still talk with her, and if she's not that attractive but on match.com that's a pretty good indictor that she gives good handjobs.

Ash Unabashed: Excuse me? Did you just say that unattractive girls on a dating service are better in bed? I'm not following your logic. And anyway, beauty is in the eye of the beholder idiot. No one thinks they're ugly. You're mean.

Paul: What?! (Said incredulously, like I was the one acting like an asshat.) Think about it. They're looking for a husband or boyfriend and since they're not that good-looking they're more inclined to perfect other skills so they can get a boyfriend. Therefore, they're usually good in bed. I could date a semi-okay (there's that word again!) looking girl if the sex was hot, but I wouldn't seriously date her.

Ash Unbashed: I thought you said you went on match.com to find a soulmate . . . I didn't realize you were in the market for an an ugly girl who gives good handjobs???!!!!!!

Paul: That's why I'm on match.com. To find someone to love.

Ash Unabashed: (Stunned and confused) Un-fucking-believable.

50 Odd Things About Me

2008-03-19T13:30:00.001-07:00

1. I like bleu cheese only with chicken wings, or crumbles on salads, but not on burgers.

2. I've never smoked heroin.

3. I don't own a gun, but have shot a Glock.

4. I've only been to a Sonic Drive-In once in Norman, OK.

5. I always get nauseous before doctor or dentist appts.

6. I like to pour beer over hotdogs when camping. Preferably, the Beast.

7. My favorite Christmas song is, "Baby, it's cold outside." (The old version.)

8. I prefer to drink water in the morning.

9. I haven't done a push-up in years.

10. I'm considering getting a tattoo soon.

11. I have a favorite piece of jewelry. The tiny diamond pendant my Dad gave my Mom when they were dating.

12. My favorite hobby is sleeping. I'm a rockstar at sleeping.

13. I'm unlucky in love.

14. I'm clinically A.D.D.

15. I tend to make the same mistkaes over and over and never learn from them.

16. My middle name is Erin and everyone thinks I'm Irish.

17. I'm thinking I wish I could go home and take a nap right now.

18. I bought a domain name yesterday.

19. My favorite tree is the Magnolia Tree.

20. I'm currently worried I'll never fall in love with someone who will love me back.

21. I currently hate that I'm actually worried about #20.

22. My favorite place to be is snuggled in bed. Someone in there with me makes it even better.

23. I spent my New Year's Eve 2007 with my sister and with Josh. She was sick at home and he had a party that I went to for 1/2 the night.

24. I really, really, really want to visit Cuba, Cyprus and China.

25. The majority of my closest friends don't live in the same state I do.

26. I own 2 pairs of slippers.

27. I'm wearing a yellow and black dress right now and black patent heels- with tights!

28. I have red satin sheets, but I hate using them because they're so slippery and my pillows always g flying off my bed.

29. Nordy taught me how to whistle.

30. My favorite color is black.

31. I would be a pirate or piratess if I could be.

32. I usually sing female vocalist songs in the shower. Like Colbie Calliet, Michelle Branch, Dixie Chicks, Feist, etc.

33. I really like the names Talasmin and Hadleigh for girls.

34. I really like the name Chapman for a boy.

35. I have a lighter in my pocket right now.

36. Al sent me a text message that made me laugh about 1 minute ago.

37. I had flannel kitten-print bedsheets as a little girl that I adored.

38. The worst injury I've ever had (that felt the worst) was a broken heart.

39. I'm not super happy with where I live. I wish I owned a cute little house.

40. I have 2 TV's in my house and I rarely turn them on.

41. My loudest friend is named Natasha and she's a load of fun.

42. I'm not allowed to have any animals where I live. :(

43. It makes the day easier to get through if I have a crush on someone.

44. My favorite drink is a tie. I love Cosmo's and I love Maker's on the rocks, with soda and a twist of lime.

45. My favorite book is: No one belongs here more than you by Melinda July

46. My favorite candy is Reeses Pieces.

47. My favorite sports teams is tied. The Saints and The Steelers.

48. I already have my funeral planned out.

49. If all guys behaved like Brad Pitt I would be such a whore.

50. The first thing I thought when I woke up was, "I hope I have pants on and I hope no one is lying next to me."

Nothing funny about this mile-high club

2008-03-18T21:22:00.000-07:00

Seriously. I'm so digusted. Read the story below. WHAT THE HELL? When did our social systems get so lax that no one noticed this when the poor girl slept. I'm sure she was shocked when she woke up and probably didn't know how to react to this heinous invasion of privacy and sicko pervert. It's hard to say what you would do in the same situation, but I'm pretty sure I would have started screaming and probably tried to punch the freak.

This whole sorry incident reminds me of a story. I had a friend whose mother owned a small boutique in a strip mall. Her and her sister were working together one day, and she left briefly to grab lunch for the both of them. While she was gone, and her sister was alone, a young male came into the store and began looking around. After about 15 minutes he continued to stand in one area not that far from where the sister was sitting behind the counter and register. She noticed he was staring at her and she asked him if she could help him. He didn't say anything and just kept staring and she immediately had a bad feeling. She said something to him again and he just continued staring at her . . . and that's when she realized he was jacking off! She stood up and that's when he just took off out the door. She ran over to the door, locked it, and then called the police. When they came she had to relive the entire sick experience again, and then they took DNA swabs of the "evidence" on the floor and wall. Fucking sick. This pyscho was never caught, so I'm sure he's still out there acting completely inappropriately at someone else's store. Maybe he's the dude on in this story. I just feel so bad for the women that this has happened too. It's tramatizing! :(

FROM THE SKY-LAB NEWS
March 14, 2008

Woman files lawsuit against AMR because passenger next to her masturbated while she slept
A 21-year-old Harris County woman filed a $200,000 lawsuit against American Airlines alleging employees on a flight to Los Angeles from Dallas/Fort Worth Airport failed to protect her while she slept from another passenger who masturbated to her and ejaculated in her hair, according to a lawsuit she filed last week in Tarrant County.

The Harris County woman alleges employees knew of the risks associated with failing to “police the passengers to ensure that passengers do not hurt one another,” the suit states.
Airline officials did not return calls seeking comment. In a statement to a Houston television station last year, a spokesman said the company regretted the incident, but the flight crew took appropriate action.

The woman and her lawyer could not be reached for comment. The Star-Telegram does not identify victims of sexual crimes.

Destined for a Spring Break visit with family and friends March 19, the woman flew from Houston to DFW Airport and had settled into her seat for the last leg of flight 2074 to Los Angeles about 11 p.m., the suit states. The woman slept most of the flight, but awoke about 20 minutes before landing when the pilot announced the plane was on descent into Los Angeles. When the woman opened her eyes, she saw that an unknown man had moved into the seat next to her and was staring at her as he masturbated, the suit states.

The woman turned toward the window in embarrassment and in an act of nervousness began to run her fingers through her hair where she noticed “a substantial amount of an extremely sticky substance in her hair,” the suit states.

The woman began to cry and tried to get the attention of a flight attendant, but was unsuccessful, the suit states. Finally a passenger in the row in front of the woman comforted her and verified the semen in her hair, the suit states.

When the plane landed, employee called airport police and the man was arrested.
The suit alleges that the during the investigation, American Airlines employees told police they witnessed the man move from his assigned seat into the row where the woman was sleeping.
The woman is seeking punitive damages and a jury trial.

-- Melissa Vargas

Posted at 07:27 PM in American Airlines

No flaming Irish whiskey shots for me!

2008-03-18T13:29:00.000-07:00

I had such a fun St. Patty's day with my mom last night. I came home from work, totally exhausted, and we had a drink, changed into comfier clothes and headed out to Echo, a new restaurant in my neighborhood. When we arrived they rang a big bell and Mike, our server, was THE BEST. He's probably one of the greatest servers I've ever had the pleasure of being waited on. He seemed like an old drinking buddy I hadn't seem in awhile and he was filling us in everything that had been going on in the neighborhood and with the restaurant- like we were regulars. My favorite line was when my Mom asked if he was the owner and he said, "No, I've been here since it opened. I just pretend like I'm the owner. You know, I sit in the back and drink." Hilarious! He was a gem. I'm pretty sure I'm going back just so I can interact with him again. The Echo burger and Echo salad were pretty yummy too. And I just found out they have a HH that looks killer. WILL BE BACK TONIGHT.

I also received a call from one of my lovelies, Rhi in Pink, informing me about the state of her girlfriendness. Meaning, she's now an ex-girlfriend. She's been going through some very difficult issues and her boyfriend hasn't really been as supportive as he should have been. So- sensing his withdrawal she offered up the customary out, "I know I'm dealing with a lot of tribulations right now, if you want to take a break I understand." At which point he should have responded, "Of course not baby, we're going to get through this together, nothing can compromise our love and commitment to each other." Obviously he did not get the memo on this type of arrangement, because he responded with a mundane, "Ok, blah, blah, blah (Rhi probably quit paying attention at this point.) Seriously. Yes girls, he DID actually say that. Here poor little Rhi has lost her special Grandmother, her car now has a boo-boo, and now her jerk-boyfriend takes her up on her "break" offer. I'm totally disappointed in him. I will be creating a memo for his perusal. Obviously he needs a clue. See memo later tonight . . . .

If I could I would . . .

2008-03-13T22:55:00.000-07:00

If I could I would . . . learn how to fall in love. I would learn how to love and be loved without holding anything back - without the excuses, stops or inevitable falls from grace. There's a point where you recognize you're about to let yourself go--- and that's when I stop. I can't do it. Because I typically know the outcome and it usually ends badly.

You try it. What is one thing that you would do if you could? It could be an event from your past that you would do over, a time you know you would stay in the moment forever, or a new dream that you have. Run with the ideas and possibilities. Good luck!

Finish this sentence:

"If I could I would . . . "

Happy Birthday Zoers!

2008-03-11T13:44:00.001-07:00

I totally forgot to mention Zoe's birthday today! I sent her a fun e-card today and I'm hoping we'll get to connect for lunch and gossip this weekend. I miss her and hope she knows I've learned my lesson! IT'S ALWAYS HO'S OVER BRO'S!

Loves you! xoxoxo

The funny contents of my freezer

2008-03-11T13:18:00.000-07:00

Today I decided to become a stealer. As in, I'm stealing the idea to post about the details of food and/or other various items, in my freezer from Missy over at If I Were Queen of the World. She posted the funniest picture of her freezer ingredients yesterday and I was suddenly inspired to post a list of mine too. Except that I think her freezer says that she's a fabulously single girl, swinging by the chandelier of life and my freezer exclaims, "Bitter, bitter, bitter! Single girl in need of a good man." Yikes. Oh well, I'm always down for a fun social experiment. Remember Manuary 2008?!?!?!

After you read and dissect my list, let me know what you think. After my fall from grace in the man department in the past few months, I'm beginning to think a life full of frozen strawberries, crab cakes and party ice might not be so bad.

List of freezer contents- March 11th, 2008!
-One bottle of Maker's Mark bourbon
-One bottle of Jameson Whiskey
-One bag of Trader Joe's Chicken Fried Rice
-Assorted party ice baubles
-Kona coffee
-Kauaian coffee
-Edamame
-2 Lean Cuisine
-Crab cakes
-4 chicken breasts
-Elk meat
-6# of hamburger (Umm, thanks Dad, that will last me at least a year)
-Ice cubes
-Spinach/Artichoke pastry purses
-Organic peas
-Nonfat Frozen yogurt (chocolate of course!)
-2 T-bone steaks

Did anyone else notice I have a lot of meat in my freezer? I wonder if this is my freezer’s subconscious telling me to stay away from men in general. Apparently meat equals men in my brain. It's probably a good idea (to stay aways from the male population, it usually ends badly for me). That being said, does anyone know about my new next door neighbor yet? Yep, I thought not. THAT'S BECAUSE I'M KEEPING HIM A SECRET for awhile . .. until . . . well you get the idea!

Don't look now, but Ash got a new ride!

2008-03-10T23:28:00.000-07:00

That's right . . . you heard correctly! This weekend I went car-shopping with my the number one main man in my life (aka Dad), and we bought a new car. Well, honestly, my Dad bought me the car, but he assured me I deserved it. :)

This is the first time in my life that I've ever purchased a brand-new ride . . . and now I'm hooked. I am convinced the smell, the new floor mats, the dirt-free crevices and warranty are the best things in the entire world. How could I have lived without these essentials before??!!?!?!?!? I got the fully-loaded package and I couldn't be happier. And what is the type of car you ask? It's a BRAND NEW JEEP COMPASS! Oh sweet world- it' sooooooooooo cute. I went car-shopping with a specific car in mind, a Ford Escape, but once I test drove it, it wasn't exactly what I wanted. The Jeep Compass fits my lifestyle much better, and all the speakers, little extras, car style (compact SUV) and car color (black) make it perfect for me. The more I drive it the more I like it!

Click here to view it: Ash's 2008 Jeep Compass in BLACK!

And homies . . . . like Tupac says, "Picture me rolling!"

OBAMA-RAMA PRIMARY!

2008-03-03T19:54:00.000-08:00

Don't miss tomorrow night's Primary! This primary race is thisclose, with Obama almost taking the lead! Two weeks ago Hilary was up several points and now it's neck and neck! This event could potentially put Barack over the mark for campaign advantage. There are 370 delegates up for grabs . . . . here's hoping my man Barack gets them all!

Click here to find a Primary Watch Party near you: Barack's Big Primary Parties in Oregon!

Partying the night away with the 'Portland Real Estate Industry Social' crowd

2008-03-01T19:18:00.000-08:00

(Sidenote: Before I get into a more fun and frivolous topic, on a serious note, one of my best friends, Rhi in Pink, lost her Grandma this past week. Rhi and her G-ma were very close and this has been a difficult time for her and her family. Rhi is taking solace in the knowledge that her Grandma is now in a better place and with her Grandfather. If you have a moment, please send her your best wishes, or if you've gone through a similar experience, leave her a note on her comments section. Sometimes it helps others to hear they have comrades that have struggled through these circumstances too. No one likes to feel alone. All my love and support go to Rhi! LOVE YOU!)

On a lighter note, last night JL hosted the Portland Real Estate Industry Social, and it was MAJOR FUN! We're talking THE MAJOR here. JL looked handsome, urban and was the . . . .(what's opposite of "belle?" Bon? Boy?) . . . . ok, Boy of the Ball! He was in prime form and networking his head off! He loved it. I could tell. I KNOW him. On the other side of the coin, I socialized my pin-straightened-head-of-hair off too! JL had organized the event with great detail. He had an art installation, a great wine selection, Blue Heron beer, mood-lighting by the way of 74 votive candles scattered everywhere, passed appetizers and a fun netowrking game. No wonder the attendees didn't want to leave! :)

The night before JL and I attended a swank event at The Casey and chatted happily with our good friend, JS. I've decided JS is one of the most fun boys I've ever met, so as you can imagine, I was SO EXCITED he attended JL's party. One of the highlights of the night was chatting with him. I also spoke with HS, a casual aquaintance before last night, and PR maven of Portland. (Have decided she is THE FUN.) Her soon-to-be hubby, Ce-Zar! (must be said with zeal and depth) was there and he is quite the talker too- what a great couple. I also loved that the more tipsy Miss K got, the more promotion she undertook. She couldn't speak highly enough of JL, the catering company The Good Mule, and everyone who she could spot. Love that girl.(Ummm, did anyone else become a mini-pastry-puff-BLT-fiend? Those were like crack- I couldn't get enough. Yum!)

I also adored the part when the lights were turned on, all the "hanger-onners" were asked to leave and the last 12 of us packed it in . . . . and ran over to Paragon to continue celebrating! Yay! How cute are we! And then JS and I got into the best discussion: Who has the best rosemary french fries in Portland? PARAGON!

Seriously, loves-loved-love last night. Can't wait until the next shin-dig. Stay tuned for details . . . I'll post them soon!

A meme a day . . . keeps boredom at bay!

2008-02-25T09:47:00.000-08:00

Rhi asked me (well, not me personally, but all her online girlies) to join in this fun meme. I thought I'd oblige.

What were you doing 10 years ago?

I was a junior in highschool at West. (Funny, I had a dream about good ole W.A.H.S. last night.) My life was major fun back then. Brooke, Natasha, Trisa and I were thick as theives, bopping around in my car and skipping school on a regular basis to drive to the beach or Portland to go shopping. Copious amounts of flirting and kissing were happening, and at that time in my life, I had never met a wine cooler I didn't like.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

I was living at the Real World House with Natasha and Nordy. I was insanely in love with Nordy and loved how Da's wild antics drove me insane. Lots of drugs, drinking and snuggling. Exactly one year ago, things were good, it was the nose-dive that followed that really sucked.

Five snacks you enjoy:

Cottage cheese and BBQ chips
Yogurt, honey and granola
Jalapeno Cheese Nips
Cereal
Peanut butter and anything (carrots, apples, cheese crackers)

Five songs you know all the lyrics to:

Brandy Alexander by Feist
I'm a Flirt by R.Kelly and T-Pain
Tears Dry on Their Own by Amy Winehouse
I Can't Leave 'Em Alone by Ciara f. 50 Cent
Every song ever made by Jodeci

Five things you would to if you were a millionaire:

Pay off all my debt and all of my family's debt (i.e. 3 sisters = lots of shopping = lots more bills)
Buy real estate (lots of it!)
Hang out with Monica and Alonzo all the time and have her help me with my writing
Donate to charity
Honestly, probably buy more shit I don't really need, but covet.

Five bad habits:

Not exercising
Being an accommodation slut
Collecting clutter
Drinking too much
Letting rascal boys steal my heart

Five things you like doing:

Making fun, new friends
Sleeping
Two words: Sublime Stitching
Happy Hours! (My Mom just bought me the 2008 edition of Portland Happy Hour's!)
Listening to music

Five things you would never wear again:

Flannel shirts
Mood shirts
Neon, lycra bike shorts
Nipple tape (a very unpleasant experience)
Mules (HATE!)- Totally agree with Rhi!

Five favorite toys:

My Blackberry
My vibrator
My new espresso maker
My icemaker
The picture printer at work

Valentine's Day! Yay!

2008-02-14T11:30:00.001-08:00

Happy Valentine’s Day! It’s been a while since my last post, but that’s only because I’ve been so slammed at work and in my personal life.

I sit here today, my favorite holiday of all, in a new, cute pink dress (A-line, empire waist, with collared neck line), black peep-toe heels, and newly gifted Betsey Johnson earrings from my amazing baby sister! Yay! I feel like a million bucks!

Many changes have been occurring. My last day of work for the Pearl District is today, and I start innovative experiences next week. My future is a little uncertain at this point, but I’m ready for it. Let the adventure begin.

Also, I must get Rhi in Pink her Valentine's Day presents. One is so cute it almost hurts my heart that she has not received it yet. It's my crafiest best! We'll make her take a picture of it and post it on her blog.

*Personal miff: I digress, but must make a point. As I was driving to work this morning I was excited at the prospect of listening to shamelessly romantic music on the radio. I was so disappointed that EVERY station on my pre-programmed system was TALKING! No love songs, no romantic notions- nothing! :( C'Mon, radio-land, you can do better than that! All I'm asking for is a little Prince, maybe some Mariah Carey, a splash or two of The Cure, and an old school dash of Jodeci. Is that too much for a Valentine-obsessed girl to ask for? (I'm sorry Rhi- I think my last line was a dangling modifier!) ;)

I'm no good at changing.

2008-02-02T19:48:00.000-08:00

Have you ever seen the end of a story before it even begins? Not like a pyschic, but like somebody who keeps making the same mistake because it feels good for awhile, and even when it starts to feel bad it's a familiary type of bad so it's comfortable.

That is my life. That is what I do. It's how I cope, and it has always allowed me to make decisions based on what I already know the outcome will be. All of the knowledge, none of the personal vulnerability.

From the Pearl meeting to Saburo's to The Basement

2008-01-30T06:42:00.001-08:00

I like how we started out in the Pearl, and our crawl progressively got "dive-ier" as the night went on. We ended with PBR's at The Basement. I'm starting to wonder, "What the hell am I doing??????"

Pictures of Baby Pearl

2008-01-28T11:34:00.000-08:00

I stumbled across pictures of baby Pearl today and had to share. She is the "dog-gondest," futest baby ever. I just want to snuggle her up and give her kisses. Look at her baby paws! Doesn't she inspire squeeziness! EAT HER UP! LOVE IT!

HABES + ASH = BFF! Hurry and vote so Habes and I can win iPod Nano's! Yay!!! Give me a 10 for Best Best Friend!

2008-01-26T11:36:00.001-08:00

HABES + ASH = BFF! Hurry and vote so Habes and I can win iPod Nano's! Yay!!! Give me a 10 for Best Best Friend!

Valentine's Day Wishlist, Part 2

2008-01-22T12:53:00.000-08:00

I'm creating a little Valentine Wishlist, if anyone out there so chooses to be my Valentine and needs a little hint! :)

As everyone knows, Valentine's Day is my best flavorite holiday. I'll take it over Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving and the 4th of July. I don't care if haters call it a Hallmark holiday. (Actually, all the better. I happen to love Hallmark.) It makes me happy, giddy and guilt-free about consuming food items like truffles, fondue and champagne and . . . high-calorie chocolate body paint.

Sidenote: Just to let everyone know . . . I went on a date last week, hoping for the best. The best being a boyfriend (lover, sex slave, whatever . . . ), and all I got was a burnout alcoholic with no sense of humor. Lame.

Fantastic Valentine's Presents Ash Unabashed Covets:

- A Chocolate Dipped Strawberry Cupcake basket from Cupcake Jones
- A beautiful floral arrangement from Old Town Florist
- Valentine Day Package from Orchid Exchange, In Good Taste and Urbane Zen
- Dinner at Park Kitchen on February 12th, with Guest Chef Troy Maclarty of Lovely Hula Hands, and Chef David Padberg of Park Kitchen
- Funny, cute boy on my doorstep, wrapped in a big, red ribbon!

Now see, that wasn't so bad, was it!

Miss iMetz

2008-01-21T14:27:00.000-08:00

P.S. I love that when I saw Monica today and screeched, "I have BIG news!" She immediately replied, eyes wide, "YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!" I love a girl who knows how to laugh. Could she be any cuter? *wink*

Roses are red, violets are blue . . . .

2008-01-17T17:34:00.000-08:00

I am so in love with Orchid Exchange, I don't know what to do!!!

Orchid Exchange in the Pearl has the cutest, most community-minded assistance for Valentine's Day. If you're clueless about what to get your signifigant other, then call them! They are offering a fabulous Valentine Package that incorporates other Pearl retailers, and BONUS- it's unisex- perfect for either gender. Women will be thrilled and men will be pampered!

And, if you're looking for a present for your favorite Portland girl . . . this is what I want! ;)

The Orchid Exchange Valentine's Day Package includes:

-Orchid Exchange’s most popular white phalaenopsis arrangement in a beautiful container
-One of six wines from In Good Taste’s Wine Gallery
-A six pack of handmade bath fizzies by Urbane Zen (vegan friendly, using only the finest ingredients)
-Delivered to your Valentine!!!

All you have to do is place your order (and come up with something sexy to say on the card!). And for the bargain price of $175.

Did I mention this is on the top of my Valentine Wishlist?????? (Of course, and most importantly, you always need someone special to share the spoils with!)

Manuary Post # . . . ummm . . . .

2008-01-16T21:42:00.000-08:00

My month of Manuary has taken on a peculiar life of its own. First of all, I haven't been meeting many available men because I've been spending most of my time with one friend.This is a good, fun thing in a lot of ways, but this is also detremental to the "Manuary Social Experiment."

Note to self: Get back on track!

RIP Brad Renfro

2008-01-15T23:00:00.000-08:00

As everyone knows, another Hollywood actor died today. RIP Brad Renfro. The story is sad and I feel bad for his family. Even though he had his demons (who doesn't!) he was still a person and someone is missing him terribly right now.

This is what CupMyPeaches had to say about the issue:

He's dead? What's for lunch? Seriously, who cares. Missed? By who, the police? His drug dealer? More losers like this should get a Darwin Award for thinning out the herd of morons spawned by Hollyweird.

So what are your thought on the all the drug-snorting, out-of-control, young actors and actresses in Celebrity-ville? Do you feel pity for them or wish they'd jump already???

Arms Proliferation + Peace Talks = Insane

2008-01-14T18:53:00.000-08:00

Does anyone else find is disturbingly ironic that while Bush was on a Middle-East peace-talk blitz he negotiated an arms and weaponery deal with Saudi Arabian King Abdullah????

First of all, how can you be on a peace mission while you're selling guns and weapons of mass destruction? It's sick.

Secondly . . . isn't this what happened in South America and in Afghanistan? The US provided training and weaponry to these countries and then . . . . rebellion.

I don't understand why we keep training hate and intolerance. Shouldn't peace initiatives be about promoting goodwill throughout the world? Unfortunately they're about stockpiling bombs and harmful machinery that will end up killing us all. Wake up Evangelicals, Jesus would be appalled. I am too. And if you're not appalled, then you're in denial about what is happening to this country.

Earth: Love it while it lasts.

Ash-ology

2008-01-13T15:12:00.000-08:00

Here's a meme on "ologies." Have fun with it!

MOUTHOLOGY
Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
I have a fond memory of the best salad I ever ate, and it was accompanied by a Champagne-Shallot vinaigrette dressing. But I usually take Balsamic and EVOO or ranch.

Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
Jack in the Box. (Habes knows what's up!)

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
It depends. For dates, I adore Fratelli, Bluehour or Olive or Twist. For brunch with my sisters, hands down it's Screen Door, and for anytime . . . probably Silk. (I lourve their pho anytime and they have those caramelized, sticky wings that are to die for! Thank God M introduced me to them!)

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
Since I'm too pretty to do math, I take 10% of the total bill and then just double it and leave whatever that amount is.

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Pho.

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
If we're talking a higher-end, gourmet-style pizza then, Hot Lips Bacon, Potato with white sauce. Slice of the day in autumn on Thursdays. However, if we're talking about commonplace pizza, then pepperoni, sliced pepperoncini's (or banana peppers), and mushrooms. Yum!

Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
Peanut butter. Or real, salted butter.

TECHNOLOGY
Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
An image of Jacquline Hurlbert's "heart" pieces. I love the green, twisted piece and also, the red and yellow labyrinth-style piece. I'd love to have more of her work. I truly feel her work. (Thank god Monica introduced me to her!)

Q. How many televisions are in your house?
2

BIOLOGY
Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
right

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Yes, my appendix and a mole.

Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
Who the hell would know this?

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
No.

BULLSHITOLOGY
Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Definitely. Can I get the year, the minute, and circumstances surrounding too??!?!?!?

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Ash Unabashed (Real Name) Kensington

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
Blue.

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
Sick.

Q. Have you ever saved some one's life?
People have told me this before, but only in a "Oh my god, you TOTALLY saved my life!" kind of way.

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
No. But I need to be saved from alot of things---self-obsession is one of them. But I think I'm doing a lot better.

DAREOLOGY
Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
Yes

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
no

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
Yes. I'm really shitty about keeping up with my blog. I've got too many jobs and responsibilities and not enough time.

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
No. My sexuality/sensuality is very private to me.

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Yes.

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
Absolutely not. Anyone who answers yes to this scares me.

DUMBOLOGY
Q: What is in your left pocket?
I'm wearing a dress without pockets today. My left pocket in my bag has the PDBA cell phone, mints, a compact, 3 lipglosses, hand lotion, a uni-ball vision exact micro pen (my absolute favorite thanks to Monica!), and a condom.

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
Yes. But Superbad and Knocked Up are better.

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
Carpet.

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
Stand. Who sits? Unless you're trying to have sex and it's not really sitting. It more like . . . awkward.

Q: Could you live with roommates?
Yes. I've had quite a few in the last few years.

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
Tons. I love my Locals.

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
In college. Thank god.

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Ruler of Everything Important in Portland

LASTOLOGY
Q: Last Friend you talked to?
Josh

Q: Last person who called u?
Josh

Q: Person you saw?
Rhiannon. We had a Brunch (with Sarah) and blogging day.

FAVORITOLOGY
Q: Number?
1- Who wants to be anything else?

Q: Season?
In- between Summer and Fall, Sall, or Fummer. I've always love summer because I'm a Junebug baby, but that in-between time is the best.

CURRENTOLOGY
Q: Missing someone?
Yes. I always miss him.

Q: Mood?
Full and satisfied. Brunch at Daily Cafe was too good. Cafe Umbria coffee, Creme Brulee oatmeal, Eggs Astoria, Pastry Basket and BACON! (God- I just realized that all my hard work last week working out has now been negated. Bummer.)

Q: Listening to?
Moon Dance by Van Morrison. (Trying to get writing inspiration!)

Q: Watching?
Nothing. Although for some reason I've really gotten into this show called, Cashmere Mafia. It's totally cheesy--- but I like. Especially when the redhead yelled, "Don't you judge me! You DO NOT get to judge me." Obviously it hit a nerve.

Q: Worrying about?
Everything. Will I get cancer from ice cubes because they're frozen in plastic? Why haven't I received my Comcast bill- is it lost? Why hasn't my sister called me back- is she ok? Who is Dane and what did he really want? How is Brandi's pregnancy, if she's worried, should I? Did I fill out my health insurance form correctly . . . etc. I'm a neurosis-filled-head-case.

RANDOMOLOGY
Q: First place you went this morning?
Stumbled into my kitchen for coffee. (Yum, Cafe Du Monde Chicory blend---straight from New Orleans!)

Q: What can you not wait to do?
Take over Portland.

Q: What's the last movie you saw?
Once. The sleeper hit of the year. Watch it--- it will change your life.

Q: Do you smile often?
Yes. I'm probably the "happiest" person I know.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
Yes. I like meeting people. I'm fun, silly and transparent. What you see is what you get!

Hey, it's OK . . . .

2008-01-13T11:29:00.000-08:00

I simply adore Glamour Magazine's monthly page, "Hey, It's OK . . . !" Every time I read it I walk away thinking Alexandra is the most brilliant girl I know. I have a few "Hey, it's OKs," like,

Hey, it's OK . . .

. . . to not return any one's calls for an entire weekend and snuggle in bed. (Who are you? Paris Hilton?)
. . . to eat cupcakes for breakfast.
. . . to still think there are "boy" jobs and "girl" jobs. (It's perfectly acceptable to never have an inclination to chop wood, mow the lawn or haul a mini-refrigerator up 3 flights of stairs!)

Published by Glamour magazine in their February 2008 issue:

Hey, it's OK . . .

. . . to think that hat head is deadlier than frostbite.

. . . that when the delivery guy arrives with an especially large order of Chinese food, you call out "Food's here!"- to an empty house.

. . . to flip straight to the horoscopes.

. . . that you've carried around your gym bad for the past two weeks but haven't actually made it there yet.

. . . if you can make split-second decisions at work but still need a good 20 minutes to settle on a birthday card for a friend.

. . . if you like to eat veggies mainly for the dip.

. . . to Google your ex's exes.

. . . if people who are tan in the middle of winter kind of freak you out.

. . . if you've tried deep breathing, yoga and meditation, and still ding that screaming into a pillow is the best stress relief there is.

- - - - -

My personal favorites: 1. Googling your ex's exes (or current lovers, whatever), and making self-assured decisions at work, but contemplating greeting cards in Hallmark for an hour and 1/2. Those are both so Ash! :)

What about you? What are some of the life and happiness lessons that you feel 100% guilt-free about?

Technical Difficulties

2008-01-13T02:04:00.000-08:00

It's 2am and I just got home and I'm having a total tech mess. My computer is not working properly, I need to transfer my SIM card and all info. from my Sidekick to my new (ick) Blackberry (don't laugh, I'm not Josh--- I can't afford every item I covet.), and my front door code was totally not working tonight and I just stood outside looking like a drunk idiot with a cute boy because I couldn't get my door open.

Thank God I'm having brunch with Sarah and Rhi tomorrow morning, ummm . . . actually at this time, it's THIS morning.

. . . and now my son-of-a-bitch neighbor upstairs just turned on his dryer. Either that or him and his girlfriend have the loudest vibrator I have ever heard. SLEEP PEOPLE! Doesn't anyone, other than me, sleep at 2am anymore?!?!?!????? Jeesh.

Cause all the cool kids are doing it . . .

2008-01-11T13:10:00.000-08:00

This meme came from Rhi in Pink:

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Lived my life. 2007 was a mercurial and transitory year for me. I'm continuing to learn from the lessons that were laid out.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Our New Year's Resolution's had to rhyme. So made a few.
-Feel great in 2008
-Dominate in 2008
-Lose weight in 2008
I'm actually keeping them. (We'll see how long that lasts.) I'll make New Year's Resolutions until I die, it's a comforting tradition for me, even if I never keep them past Valentine's Day.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Duh. Didn't you hear the news about Nicole & Joel, their new baby girl, Harlow Madden, and Christina & Jordan's new baby boy!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
The young wife of an old friend passed away from a rare lung cancer and it shook me pretty bad. It did impact my life though--- I quit smoking.

5. What countries did you visit?
Unfortunately, none. But in 2008- Travelate to Cubadate!

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
I agree with Rhi. LESS DEBT! But I'm on track now, thank goodness. I look back at the Ash of a few years ago and think, "Were all the Coach and Kate Spade bags worth it?"

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 11, 2007- Change my outlook. Can't explain why in a public domain.
November 17, 2007- Tripp Sister's "Annual" Hawaii Get-a-way!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Learning to love myself more.

9. What was your biggest failure?
The entire episode with Nordy. I don't exactly regret what happened because I learned so much about myself, but I wish I would have handled it more sensibly and without the glut of uneccesasary drama.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes! Not anything too serious, but I was sick for the last two months of the year. (I think part of this was due to my excessive nighttime habits, if you get the driftm . . . )

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Well, I don't know if it can be classified as "bought," but I exchanged my habitual trend of co-dependency for a stronger sense of self-respect and finally became more confortable telling people, "No, I don't want to do that." (Ok, ok, and my new favorite earrings from jewelry dsigner, Deborah Funches.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine! I'm on break-through behavior mode, baby!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
George Bush and most other Republican 2008 candidates.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Sadly, booze, drugs and partying. (See, I've really cleaned up my act!)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to Hawaii with my girls, getting "the" Nicole Lee bag for Christmas and starting freshate in 2008!

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Tears Dry On Their Own by Amy Winehouse. I swear--- I must have listened to that song at least a million times. It was on repeat for, no joke, at least 5 months. Honestly, I have every song on that album memorized and it WAS the playlist of 2007. Her self-descruction and provocative despair appealed to me.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? MUCH happier!!!!!!!
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner! (I've actually been getting up as the ass-crack of dawn to work-out. I'm still amazed by this.)
c) richer or poorer? Richer, in every way that matters.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Get a clue about what was actually going on instead of trying to ignore it and believe what I "wanted."

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Crying and feeling sorry for myself.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my fantastic Family. Tripp Sister Spa Day on Christmas Eve, Tripp Family Annual Party on Christmas Eve night (Mom came too! Yay!), and divied up Christmas Day with Ryni, Weana, Mom, Dad, my two amazing sisters, and a fun aunt and happy grandparents!

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
Yes, unfortunately. I was like, the Queen of Unrequited Love. Not going there again!

22. What was your favorite TV program?
This is embarrassing: it's a tie between The Hills and Weeds.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope, I've got nothing but love.

24. What was the best book you read?
No one belongs here more than you by Miranda July. I also re-read, Getting Over It by Anna Maxted which is one of my all-time favorites.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Love-stung girl music. I adore Jasmine Ash, Feist, Sara Bareilles and Colbie Calliet.

26. What did you want and get?
The forementioned Nicole Lee bag and a better relationship with a few select people.

27. What did you want and not get?
Honesty; kind of disappointing.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
I can't get enough of Once. It was the sleeper hit of the year with an amzaing musical score. So much passion and energy.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not being such a drama-queen.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Unconventional? I don’t know. I’m a cross between portland urban and albany country club.

32. What kept you sane?
Reading about women going through more deranged relationship dilemnas than I. Also, Cosmo's, cocaine and chicken wings.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Reggie Bush. I became a football-aholic and found him charming.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Anything related to George Bush. He's the most substanial and caustic threat to the well-being of America.

35. Who did you miss?
Amanda, Heidi and Traci who live in Oklahoma, Alaska and Ohio.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Josh. Also there are some friends I have reconnected with. It's all been very positive for me.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
Self-descruction and co-dependency doesn’t work anymore. I am not a teenager, I am an adult. Deal with it.

38. Quote a song that sums up your year.

"Brandy Alexander" by Feist

Though I'd like to be the girl for him
And cross the sea and land for him
On milky skin my tongue is sand until
The ever distant band begins to play

He's my Brandy Alexander
Always gets me into trouble
But that's another matter
Brandy Alexander

He's my Brandy Alexander
Always gets me into trouble
But that's another matter
Brandy Alexander

Though I know what I love most of him
I'm walking on needles and pins
My addiction to the worst of him
The low moon helps me sing

I'm his Brandy Alexander
Always get him into trouble
I hide that I'm flattered
Brandy Alexander

I'm his Brandy Alexander
Always get him into trouble
I hide that I'm flattered
Brandy Alexander

Goes down easy
It goes down easy

39. Quote a song that will create 2008.

"Intuition" by Feist

What gives, what helps, the intuition?
I know, I'll know
I won't have to be shown
The way home
And it's not about a boy
Although although

They can lead you
Break or defeat you

A destination known
Only by the one
Who's fate is overgrown
Piecemeal can break your home in half
A love is not complete with only heat

And they can tease you
Break or complete you

And it came a heat wave
A merciful save
You choose you chose
Poetry over prose
A map is more unreal than where you've been
Or how you feel
A map is more unreal than where you've been
Or how you feel
And it's impossible to tell
How important someone was
And what you might have missed out on
And how he might have changed it all
And how you might have changed it all for him
And how he might have changed it all
And how you might have changed it all for him

Did I, did I
Did I, did I
Did I, did I
Did I, did I
Did I did I miss out on you?

The month of Manuary- Post #2

2008-01-08T23:49:00.000-08:00

I'm not doing very well meeting men this month because I keep hanging out with my friend (yes, I said friend) Josh. I've decided that when you laugh at another boy's jokes and silly personality (even if you're only friends) other boys do not find this behavior approachable. This makes me wonder if the boys I'm throwing "come hither" looks at, while being entertained by Josh, are mistaking him as my boyfriend. Which is no good at all, because not only am I missing out on making out with someone at the end of the night, but potential prospects inadvertently think I DO have someone to make out at night. And sadly, there's no making out at night. MUST . . . REMEDY . . . SITUATION . . . SOON.

MANUARY Post #1- A First Thursday Evening of Possiblity

2008-01-04T08:50:00.000-08:00

Already I'm off to a rocky start! I started with the best intentions of blogging about my "Man Hunt" every day, but boy, I did not expect it would be such a challenge, and I hardly have time for it!

However, last night, it was my monthly standing date with one of my “best flavorite” girls, Rhi in Pink. Part of my job description is that I must attend member advertised events on First Thursday to show support. Rhi has been nice enough for the past few months to accompany me on these nights, through wind, rain and (last year!) snow, and we always end the night with celebratory cigarettes and drinks, usually at LowBrow, but sometimes at other low-profile spots.

As we navigated our way through the Pearl last night, starting at Olea, stopping by Lizard Lounge (Rhi purchased the futest little brown dress . . . and it was 20% off!) and with every good intention of swinging by Lara Sydney, Augen and AIA Galleries, we landed at the LowBrow. (And of course, after the regulatory stop at Rite-Aid for menthol 100’s.)

We chatted giddily for hours and were joined by another friend, Pearled Josh (trying to keep people anonymous for the obvious reasons), and I managed to:

A. Flirt with Josh
B. Talk to a boy who was adorable and bummed our last cigarette; said he was 31,but appeared to be barely over the legal drinking age
C. Be noticed by a slightly inebriated man at the bar on the way out of the restroom who wanted to engage me in a serious discuss about why “women like me always go for the gay-looking dudes who like clothes and shit.” (C’mon, what’s wrong with clothes, they’re cute and they keep you warm. Somehow I do not think this was what he was hinting at.)

I managed to flirt and talk up a storm with both male individuals, however, neither one was on my radar, if you know what I mean! And Josh can't count in this whole "Manuary experiment" because . . . . he just can't. And . . . I have a crush. However, Rhi and I discussed the merits (or should I say non-merits) of this crush, and thankfully, being the good friend she is, she looked me directly in the eye and said, “He’s just not that into you.” Which I needed to be told. This weekend I need to put that crush to bed and discover a new one! Yay!

Actually I just made up for the last two days because I met two boys in one night. Sadly, neither warranted further contact, but so it goes in the land of singleness.

Here comes the weekend!

It's the month of MAN-UARY!

2008-01-01T13:41:00.000-08:00

My New Year's resolution this year is to find a man. But not just any man. I'm looking for a man that respects me, (i.e. doesn't put me on hold all the time when HE calls me, or cuts me off all the time when I am speaking, or never humors me), isn't broke, enojoys good food (not McDonald's drive thru), has manners, engages in a healthy relationship with his mother, and the kicker . . . . is funny and silly enough to make me laugh, and more importantly, put a smile on my face when I think about him (even if he's in Miami, FL and I haven't seen in a week.)

In conclusion to my search, I will be trying to strike up a conversation with a man EVERY DAY throughout the month of January, which I will now refer to as MANUARY. (Because damnit, it will be my Manuary!)I'll post my methodology, findings, and if I'm lucky, results every night. This is basically a social experiment. It should be titled, "How one self-respecting woman punished herself in the name of humility and need for affection and connection," but in case someone I know reads this and immediately recognizes the pathetic nature of the post and calls me out, we'll label the official name as, "Manuary: A One-Month Social Experiment in Hunt and Gather." This little enterprise could completely backfire on me, or worst case scenario, the man-of-the-day will be my landlord (not an acceptable suitor by any means).

Stay tuned for the residuum.

Ephemeral Smash

2007-12-30T12:23:00.000-08:00

I found an old birthday card today, and it read, "What's this?" (Picture of a toilet) Inside the card, "It's your birthday potty. Might as well cut to the chase." Then below that, it read, "Happy Birthday Smash." I stared at the words on the page and engaged myself in all the memories that came with it. I realized that "Smash," my bold and audacious alter-ego, has been quietly receding into the shadows as a more careful and protective Ash emerges. I haven't been aware of the transition until now. But as changes go, I think this one is normal. I've changed living arrangements, jobs, friends ,boss's, reading literature . . . . as I ponder all these adjustments, and the decisions that precipitated them, I see that maybe in my subconscious, and my love-stung heart, these results happened because I realized I needed to advance.

How I Spent His Time

2007-12-28T21:48:00.000-08:00

This title just came to me last night. I realized that when we lived together, I spent his time. It wasn't a traditional romantic relationship were two people comprised likes, dislikes, feelings, humors, etc. He was quiet and discontent with life. I was energetic and eager to please him. At the end I realized I was just occupying space in his life for a short time. It would never work between. I picked him, but he did not pick me.

During our time together my main focus everyday was how I could please him. Whatever he took pleasure in became my new passion. Camping, football, animated off-color cartoons on Comedy Central, mountain pies and indie-music. It wasn't so much that he adored these things, they were just items that passed through his life that he participated in, but the fact that he participated in them when he was such a non-participatory person, made me develop an allegiance to them. I felt that if I made them important to me he would translate my devotion to him. This is never happened. I eventually told him how I felt: blessed that he had provided me with so much pure, yet mixed-up pleasure and distraught that he never gave me the affection or consideration I deserved.

I changed. Oddly, while trying to compliment him and make him love me, I learned difficult and ugly lessons about myself. Pitiful and heartbreaking to friends and family members that saw the change and didn't accept it, but nothing felt more right than making him sandwiches at 6:30am and watching football all day while he explained the responsibilities of a QB. The smell of Suave Cucumber and Melon bodywash can still wrench my heart.

In the end he became more moody and silent. I would ask questions in a format that was reaching, and strained for some form of acceptance. And I would receive answers accusatory in manner, as if the question were not only rude, but stupid as well. The sting of one conversation would make my stomach clench. I would wait for some kind of acknowledgement and wonder whether he was playing a game with me, or whether if was possible everything was okay. As it turned out it was neither.

And that was how I spent his time.

Rhi's Birthday & Myspace Hackers

2007-12-11T11:12:00.000-08:00

Last night I went out to Mingo at the Round in Beaverton for Rhi's birthday party. There were 11 of us and I had a fantastic time. I got to sit by Erica, which was just great by me, because she is fantastic. I ordered their Special of the Night, Braised Duck Ravioli's with Chantrelle Mushrooms in a Sage Olive Oil sauce. It was magnifico! Plus, a Limoncello Cosmo, a Ketel One martini, up, with 3 olives AND for dessert . . . a scrumptious Tiramisu. Mmmm, my mouth is watering again.

The only thing that sucked about the night was that it was so far out of Portland. I'm definitely a city girl, and Beaverton is no way, no how "the city." (I admit, I got lost trying to get back to the Pearl.)

When I got home I was going to paint my toenails, let my incredible meal digest and then go to bed, however, as I was checking my voicemails in the car on the way home I realized I had missed 6 calls. (That's normally a lot for a 2 hour time span on a Monday night.) They were all from friends who called to alert me that my Myspace account had been hacked into and someone was sending out comments that said, "Click Here for a FREE $50.00 Macy's Gift Card," and posting bulletins with the titles, "Biggest Clit" and "Penis Enlargement Pills." Lovely. So then I had to deal with that. At first, I was kinda scared. Only because I was frightened by the violation of all it. I toyed with the idea of deleting the whole account completely, but then read the security notices and just changed my account information and password. I decided I want to keep my account . . . and besides, how would I humor all my voyeuristic tendencies if I couldn't spy on all my friends and find out who-broke-up-who, who's engaged and who is about to get divorced!?!?!?!? Oh the drama . . . I would miss that!

Tonight Michelle is coming over for holiday treats, Peach Sparkltini's and great conversation. I'm hosting at my house instead of our usual "happy hour" around town. Yay! I've felt bereft of holiday cheer, but after the injection of Christmas music on repeat this morning at work and Nancee's Legendary Hot Crab Dip tonight . . . I'll be as Christmas-y as a little elf on the eve!

I only flirt with the smooth ones.

2007-12-09T19:02:00.000-08:00

I attended 2 fantastic holiday parties this weekend. .:: My voice: Dripping with sarcasm:. One party can be categorized as I-met-a-boy-who-I-thought-was-sane, but-turned-into-a-mentally-challenged-5-year-old-with-ADD-on-steriods. The other party was almost worse because I attended a function as my Dad's "date" and ended up having to get a ride home with 2 80-year-old's because he met a woman who wanted to go dancing (and apparently spend the night at The Eugene Hilton). During the holidays, as I get older, I tend to feel like a cross between Bridget Jones (not in a "wanton sex-goddess" kind of way) and an Anna Maxted character.

Take last night for example. I arrived at my friends Christmas party completely unaware that she has changed the rules this year and everyone is supposed to come dressed up in as much holiday attire as possible. As my hosts open the door I am greeted by approx. 20 party revelers who are dressed to the nines in jangling bell christmas sweaters, red and white striped stockings, reindeer pajama bottoms and some of the most gaudy (and Goodwill's finest) holiday attire I have ever layed eyes on. And immediately I get boo'ed becuase I'm wearing black pants, black heels, and a black "boob" top. Cute, yet completely unfestive. (Guess who won the Scrooge award for the night?!?! And I am NOT a holiday grinch!)
However, things looked up when I saw my current crush standing by the tequila shots. (Side note: This crush, let's anme him "Operation Mistletoe," is a very quiet, yet pithy guy. He tends to make me smile and we've engaged in a sly flirtation for a couple of months now.) I mosey on up to him and decide to comment onhis choice attire of the evening: skin-tight, white women's pants with a tiny holly pattern, a crocheted white, brown and green Reindeer sweater, and a red Santa hat . . . White ball and all! We shoot the shit and down about 3 tequila shots over a 1/2 hour time period and suddenly, I have a feeling this will be one of those unexpected great nights.

Cut to 3 hours into the night. I am getting a little hammered, but more than drunk, I am annoyed. Operation Mistletoe has had another 5 tequila shots, plus chocolate martini's, plus dr.pepper and soco's and is running around acting like a fucking moron. This guy, who has always been so sweet and reserved has just told me for the 18th time that he can't stop staring at my boobs, he sat in the salsa 15 minutes ago, has broken my Scrooge award present, tried to put his tongue in my ear and almost fell over and took me out with him and is now running around the party with no pants on and only Christmas-inspired boxers and reindeer slippers. Oh, and he's hit on every other girl here. Another one bites the dust.

This weekend it will be round two, please pray for me that this next weekend goes better.

Ashamed Ash

2007-12-04T09:58:00.000-08:00

It's now been 19 days since my last post and all is I can say, is "phooey!" These last few weeks have been pretty incredible, and not in a fun-wow-that-was-amazing kind of a way. Hawaii was a blast, but upon return I was irritated to find out that my irresponsible and scattered employer ( a non-profit that I will not mention names about) still had not renewed my contract and presumably was not going to. Now I have to work everything out with the contractor they DID hire. And the funniest part--- they claim they're looking out for my best interests! Ha! More like they're covering their own ass and don't want to take on any more responsibility with this project than absolutely neccessary. The whole situation is unfortunate and has made me cranky and moody lately.

I have a meeting with the contractor this week, so I'm hoping to get things resolved soon.

More once my mood changes and I can be a bit more chipper!

Viva Hawaii!

2007-11-15T10:44:00.000-08:00

I have finally reached the point of excitement. Frankly, I was getting a little worried. Being so busy has sadly robbed me of my ability to be anxious about my impending vacation to Hawaii.

However, my mom came up from the Valley yesterday and after a dinner of carmelized chicken wings, beef pho, salad rolls and ahi tuna she got me all revved up and happy. While we enjoyed ginger martini's and white guava margaritas, she pumped me up and reminded me that this is bascially my first vacation in over a year and I really need to use this time to decompress, take some "me" time and DO NOTHING. I loved it. (In a way it was comical, my mother, the Queen of Staying Busy, giving me advice on how to slow down, relax and rest. I'm pretty sure she's never done any of the forementioned 3 anytime in her life . . . ever. Yes, I'm serious. She's that driven and perhaps has a fear of slowing for reasons unknown.)

So after our gluttonous meal at Silk, what did we engage in? A walk around the Pearl of course! And were did we end up? At a sinful gelato shop, Via Delizia- duh! So we had to each invest in a couple of scoops ("I'll take the piccolo size," Ash Unabashed says sweetly, relishing the fact that although she ordered two scoops, the actual definition of "piccolo" in Italian is "small." Brilliant.) of their dreamy gelato. I ordered the Chocolate Peanut Butter and Panna Cotta and Momrey got the Hazelnut. Mmmmm. We sat in their darling shop and proceeded to chat more about the benefits of this vacation. By the last bite we had a new motto: VIVA HAWAII!

Presently I'm in vacation mode, but now (and doesn't this just frost your cupcakes!) I'm still two days away from actually leaving. But at least Momrey gave me a good kick in the you-know-what to jump-start my anticipation. Thank goodness for Momrey's! (Even when you soemtimes get annoyed because she was supposed to meet you for at your apt. at 4:30pm and she shows up at 4pm and calls you on your cell phone and tells you she's there, but you're standing at the bus stop trying to get home and then she says, "No worries," because she'll just let herself in because she knows the code . . . . and then once you do arrive 20 minutes later you find your dishes rearranged, laundry in the washing machine, garbage recepticals strategically moved to different locations, and coffee table magazines conveniently re-organized.)
Then again, THANK GOD FOR MOMREY'S! I do adore mine!

VIVA HAWAII! The countdown continues . . . .

TV sucks . . .

2007-11-08T11:21:00.000-08:00

. . . you in so much you lose track of time and end up sitting on the couch watching some show on FOX about two, has-been TV anchors (one male, one female) in Pittsburgh that had sex one night 10 years earlier and produced a daughter. Except the dude had no idea that for the last 10 years he had a daughter because he's a womanizing asshole and when the lady tried to call him after their tryst he was too busy packing up boxes and moving to LA to do the news there to return her calls. Plus he thought she was in love with him and didn't want to deal with her "drama." Puh-lease.
Unfortunately, I am now addicted.

Another mindless, senseless and "I'm-embarrassed-to-admit-this" show that SUCKed me in last night was Gossip Girl. Now I will admit that I've read the books and they're great fun. They will not win a Pulitzer Prize, nor will illustrious writers ever invite the author to join the Algonquin Round Table, however, they are what they are: Fute. Fun & Cute (Thank me and my sister for that one). The TV Show, Gossip Girl, is a whole other literary disappointment. Most people would argue that everytime a book is turned into any other media medium (i.e. movie, tv show, play, etc.) it always lacks character development, a soft plot line and is basically, lame. But the Gossip Girl TV series really ices the cupcake. In the book the characters are mainly teenagers from the upper-eschulon of the Upper East Side in Manhattan. However, there's Dan, a homely fellow prone to cigarettes and long afflictions of self-doubt, loathing and angst. And Vanessa, a rebellious, chubby punk girl who shaves her head, wears steel-toed boots but finds sensitivity in poetry and visual art. I digress- meaning, Hollywood has taken this friendly, bubble-gum book series and turned it into a blubbering mess of no-name, beautiful skinny girls and insanely attractive, buff dudes. To put it nicely, this show is completely un-fucking-believable. It pissed me off that people who might channel surf through this show will not be able to understand the viability of the otherwise, young-adult fluff that fills the book series. People, seriously, this collection is like cotton candy. Light, airy, sweet and probably pink. What's not to like?

A night filled with RhiinPink, 2 David's (one Hill, one Bliss), Fez, Kari, and one, ever evovling, Josh Leake.

2007-11-02T16:06:00.000-07:00

It is now Friday and I can't believe I went out everyday this week. Tonight I might have to abandon my plans to stay in and recover! Last night might have been my favorite night out.

I met Rhi (check out her infamous blog at Rhinpink.com) for a bottle of wine (David Hill Pinot Noir-yum!) and crostini and sirloin pizza at Vino Pardiso around 5:30pm and we were off . . . . talking a million miles a minute and promising not to ever go so long without getting drunk and smoking menthols together. Let's just clarify this point: it had been TWO MONTHS! Btw- VP has a killer happy hour. 1/2 off a bottle of vino with the purchase of a snack. We found out what "speck" was. My vote was for a raisin and Rhi was like, "Huh?" It turned out to be a thin slice of meat, kind of akin to prosciutto. We ate out speck and drank our bottle and then headed out the door for some meet and greets for the Pearl District! (Yes, I am that unprofessional.)
Our first stop was Fez Studio. As were were walking over, with the obligatory Camel menthol hanging out of our lower lip (with fresh lipgloss of course!) we spied a dark figure in the shadow . . . and sure enough it was David! (David Bliss this time, co-owner of Fez Studio!) I pounced on him like a cat and the look on his face was priceless- he had been caught- SMOKING! :) Like we cared, we were too! I introduced Rhi and we all headed inside for champagne and pampering. Fez saw me and was like, "Your hair is soooo straight- it looks amazing." This is what I love about Fez, he is actually THAT sincere. And he notices all the little things that none of the shit-heads I hang around with ever notice! He is such a doll. I adore him. I wish I could wrap him up and take him with me everywhere. He's the biggest confidence booster in the world.

We ooohed and ahhed and then had to depart for Circle Studio. They are a new member and I had never met Kari before, so let me gush for a minute. SHE IS DARLING! So sweet and full of excitement. She has this beautiful new studio and if you meet her you know she's going to make it because of all her enthusiasm and personality. What a gem. She even told me nearby neighbors have come out to sign up for classes. (This please me immensely because this is the whole mission of the PDBA.) We took out shoes off, looked around, networked and then were offered a to-go plate of Saint Cupcake dot cupcakes and were off.

The last and final journey of the night was Leonardo's on Lovejoy. We met up with Josh and he bought us cannoli, more crostini, Basil Mojitos, Limencello Cosmo's and he offered me a ride home. (Ummm, actually I had to ask, but it wasn't like I had to "twist off" his arm. He'll get it.)

We dropped Rhi at her car and rode the Land Rover off into the land of happily ever after. Actually we just drove over the Broadway Bridge and into Irvington where I live. After I got home, I scarfed some of my delish cupcakes and took my drunk ass to bed. (Unfortunately after a few drunken-dial texts to unmentionable boys. Dumb me.)

I'm on my way back to Fez's right now for a "Sultry, smokey-eye make-over." Yay! I'm sure that will help reel them in tonight. Wish me luck!

Happy Halloween!

2007-10-31T17:05:00.000-07:00

Remember the days of mini-Snickers, dressing up like a princess and getting to stay up late and eat candy with friends?!?!?!?! (Well, neither do I! I've spend WAY too much damn time at this office!) It's Halloween and there will be lots of baby ghosts and goblins out, so be careful, along with the tikes there will be hellraisers looking to start trouble, so have fun, but be aware!

Fun times at Teardrop Lounge

2007-10-24T11:22:00.000-07:00

Cheers for one-year reviews (Kjersti), no more migraines (Michelle), independent cats (Sarah) and Mom's who visit for the weekend and bring you groceries and "utility" garbage cans (Ash)!

We met at Teardrop Lounge last night in the Pearl and had a fabulous time! Michelle met me at my office and then we strolled down to 10th & Everett. The weather was so beautiful, and we had a great conversation. It went like this:

Michelle: I'm so glad you weren't there yet! Now we can back over there together.

Ash: Back over there? Were you already there?

Michelle: Yah. Actually I was parking the shitty Altima right in front of the bar and then the Range Rover behind started beeping and lights flashing . . . the whole mess. The alarm was going crazy and everyone was staring at me in the bar so I didn't want to walk in and be known as the "Girl-who-drives-the-shitty-car-and-made-the-expensive-car's-alarm-go-off." So I just ducked out of the car and walked over here.

Ash: (Laughing hysterically).

Michelle: I didn't hit the car or anything! But you know how the Pearl is . . . we probably wouldn't have been served!

Once we got there (of course, we didn't even LOOK in the direction of the Altima!) we sat down at there mod and dwarf bar tables. Actually we squeezed into the blue booths. The server, a pretty girl with a lovely red tattoo down her right arm, informed us of all the specials. I tried the Last Batch Summer Sangria and M went for the Kiwi Daquiri. Her drink was definitely better than mine-tart and sweet. Yum. Then we went on a ordering spree and gorged ourselves on cold soba noodles with tobiko, truffled papas, summer shrimp rolls and hoisin chicken drummettes. And of course, we washed down the above with two more homemade cocktails. Mmmmmm. Sarah and Kjersti got there about 1/2 hour later and we had a great time chatting. I really needed that.

The co-owner, Daniel, is a really cool guy. In fact, Michelle and Sarah both have crushes on him. Ooohhh- how cute. But I am impressed that he makes his own bitters. I mean, c'mon, what bar does that?!?!?

When the leaves start falling, they're falling in love with fall.

2007-10-22T09:28:00.000-07:00

This morning when I got to my bus stop I noticed the above quote scrawled on the little rain depot. Normally any kind of graffiti irritates me, but somehow when I looked around at the leaves turning gold and the blanket of foliage on the sidewalk, I got it.

Don't be THAT woman!

2007-10-18T10:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my boss and I were walking to a meeting and I made a comment about my evening activites, which consisted of babysitting a colleague's 4 year-old daughter, and my boss said,

"Oh. It's sad, really. You used to go out all the time. At least several
times a week, and now it seems like you just work late and stay in."

Wow. The statement stunned me so much I stopped dead in my tracks. I know she wasn't trying to be mean or rude because she truly is the best boss in the world, but the comment stung just the same. It's one thing to have these type of sentiments rummage around in your own brain at night, but it's quite another to actually have people notice your life is turning pathetic and point it out.

In response to that "ah-ha" moment I've decided to plan some more activities and once again get back on track to being the "Smash" that everyone knows and loves. Enough with the moppiness, enough with the Sarah McLaughlin music, enough with the dinners from Paragon eaten out of a box in front the computer in my Pearl office. Enough already!

This weekend I am not only going to gorge myself of my patheticness, but also finally finish unpacking all those nagging boxes (containing memories that I think I subconsciously prefer to keep boxed) and see the movie, "One" which Melissa recommended highly.

(I'm also cat-sitting for my sister. Which is right back in tune with my "poor-love-stung" Ash theme, but I'll make it fun and maybe peruse her Pure Romance toys and books for some "educational McLovin' advice." And I adore her cat, Ramsey. He's shy, skittish and cuddly. The only man in my life worth blogging about right now.)

Where oh where has all the time gone?

2007-10-16T12:01:00.000-07:00

Seems silly of me ask this rhetorical question when I'm pretty sure it hasn't gone anywhere. I just keep filling it up with more projects. And time-sucking people.

Looking at my schedule this week I realize I have to get my time under control. My Sunday began with waking up at 7am and not being able to go back to sleep because I was worried about all the things I needed to accomplish before Monday morning. I got up, unpacked more boxes and then - - - KABOOM! The weekend was off and running and it was Sunday night before I knew what hit me. Does this happen to other people. The whole, I'm-more-tired-on-Sunday-night-than-I-was-on-Friday-at-7pm?"

One good thing about this weekend: Frog Hollow Farm's yummy turnovers. They are nothing like the Pepperridge Farm sickeningly sweet, artificial pastries of yore. The Frog Hollow Farm turnovers are savory, with a crispy-crackly puff pastry wrap, filled with organic ingredients and herbs that produce something that tastes half-homemade and half-gourmet restaurant. They are delish! My personal favorites . . . Butternut Squash and Spinach Turnovers and the Mini-Risotto Tartlettes. Find them here: wwww.froghollow.com

Bus Bites #1

2007-10-11T14:40:00.000-07:00

On the 6:

Last night I had to work late to finish the final edits for our new walking map, so I left the office around 8pm and headed out to my stop.

First of all, dumb me, I wore heels yesterday thinking I didn't have any meetings outside the district, but completely forgot in my new penchant to be more eco-friendly, that when I ride the bus I end up walking about a mile.

I met this woman at the bus stop and we started a conversation. She was asking questions about the MAX and the bus system and I naturally thought she was not from Portland. After several minutes of conversation she actually dumped her story on me.

She was from Portland
She works at the Nike Childcare Center
She used to be a travel agent before evil expedia, travelocity, and priceline took her job
She just got back from Jamaica
The trip was not for pleasure but because she had to tie up loose ends because her own father was vacationing there a month ago and was killed in a freak scooter accident

I think my jaw just hung open for like, 2 minutes. I am in PR and people usually are drawn to me with stories . . . but this was like full disclosure on the 6! Like a good PR girl, I easily shifted the conversation back to banal topics, while also assuring her she was strong for getting through this rough period with grace and a calm demeanor. (Obviously, this was a lie.) But I almost felt that openness was cathartic for her. I could feel she needed to let it go--- and in a way--- I was pleased I could provide that for her. We continued chatting as we boarded the bus and when I got up for my stop I told her to stay positive because with positive thoughts comes a positive life, and she told me, "Thank you for listening to me." It made my heart feel a little better in the end.

Sometimes I think in the wake of my crazy, work-filled life I forget to listen. I guess it took a grief-stricken woman in need of an outlet to show me how to be a better listener, if only for 15 minutes.

Unwelcome late night visitors

2007-10-07T18:40:00.000-07:00

This was posted on myspace by my best friend's ex-girlfriend. It's fucking hilarious! It's about her friend--this guy named Riley. I was actually laughing-out-loud when I was reading it.

Okay, so not all of you know my friend Riley, but after reading this, it had to be shared with everyone.

So Riley used to live in Portland and then moved. He is one of the most polite guys I have ever met, so it makes it almost funnier:

It seems like no matter where I move to I end up having to deal with an odd neighbor. My current situation is no exception.
The following happened just a couple days ago. Minding my own bussiness, in my appartment alone, finishing up a late night dinner of Jack in the Box's finest cuisine I hear a knock at my door. I don't know anyone in my complex, and very few in this whole city. Needless to say I didn't know who the hell was visiting me this late. I look out the peephole and see a girl in a tube top and short shorts outside. I open the door and she says semi-drunkenly "Is Nathan here?". "Umm..Nope, just me and I'm not Nathen." She says "Oh, do you have any beer?". "No, I just have some wine" SHIT- Why the hell did I just tell this poozer I have wine? "Do you think I could have some?"she says. "Well, I guess so!?, Come on in."
Damnit, I don't know this girl. Not attracted to her so don't question my motives. As most of my friends know I can be too nice for my own good. Anyway, she comes in and I fill a glass of wine for her. In the meantime she's telling me that she had got in a fight with her boyfriend and she was wondering around the complex in search of people with their porch lights on to party with. I tell her "Well, these lights are on timers and everyone's light is on". She continues rambling on and I'm thinking how the hell I'm going to get rid of this girl? "I think I'm going to go have a smoke outside" HINT! "Oh, I'll go with you, do you have one for me?" Arghh, "Yeah, I'll give you one". I only have one chair on the porch so I tell her to have a seat. "No, this is your place, you take it". Whatever. I sit down and she plops on my lap. What did I get myself into? So while smoking she proceeds to tell me all sorts of weird shit. She lost her virginity at age 11, she is a mother of two-one of which she had three weeks ago, and she was born in '88! etc... After smoking we come back in and she says she's gotta go check on her newborn. YES! Leave please. Not so fast, she wants to come back if the kid's asleep. I say "I think I'm gonna go to bed, but I guess you can try" STUPID Riley!!
What do you think she did? Yes, she came back, but not alone. She brought her newborn baby over along with her own pack of smokes! I'm thinking What the fuck!? By this time she's pretty tuned, so I say let me hold your kid for you. She saw this as a great opportunity to go have another smoke. As she went to go outside to smoke she walked right into my closed sliding door. Luckily she brought a bottle over for her kid. I stood in my kitchen holding, feeding, and burbing this baby. Not quite finished smoking, she comes into my place with her cigarette and holds it up to my face to give me a drag while holding her kid. What the hell, get that out of here! After finishing her smoke she takes her baby. I mentioned she was wearing a tube top right? Well, while holding he kid the top slides down exposing her boob. Uhh.. How about I hold the kid so you can fix yourself. She really didn't give a shit, she just pulled out the other one to feed the kid. I'm standing in my kitchen with this chick I don't even know with her boobs hanging out feeding her child. Could it get any worse? Yep, the exposed, lactating girl tries to kiss me. Hell no! "What are you doing? And isn't your baby daddy across the parking lot?" She says "Yeah, but he's just a boyfriend." After dissing her move on me she decided to call it a night. Finally! I offered to walk her home and carry the child so she wouldn't drop him, but she declined. Poor kid.
Sure was glad to have that over with, but wouldn't ya know, she left her smokes at my place. Just can't win. Next morning - knock knock. Hmm.. I don't think I'm home. I take off and leave the pack outside my door so I wouldn't have to see her again. To my dismay, the pack is there when I get home. Later that evening - knocking. It's her. "Do you have my smokes?" Sure Do! Here you go - later! "Thanks, hey I was pretty drunk, did we uhh.. you know?" No Way!
Man, I hope that girl gets her act together. I feel sorry for the next door she knocks on. Rest assured if it's mine, I won't be home - even if I am. Damn, I wish I were a home owner.

Oh those boys!

2007-10-05T17:19:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else always attract "those boys?" You know what I'm talking about. The ones that make your heart smile and then destroy your life? It's like boy-crack. I'm addicted. I can't stop. I keep doing it.

It started with Nick, then Travis, now him. (I have to refer to him as "him" because his name is too unique. This whole post would pop up as number 1 on any Google search if I used it that many times repeatedly. So we'll just go with "him." Cleaner. Not so pyscho.)

My sister and I chatted about my very problem the other night. (Weeeeeell, we actually didn't CHAT about it. She was drunk and I was love-stung, so we honestly cried and hiccuped and sniffled about it.) But we came to the conclusion that I always do this. She yelled, "You always do this!" I bemoaned, "I don't know how to stop!" And in a Sex-In-The-City-esque revelation, we determined that I use this safe-as-friends-but-then-i-went-and-fell-in-love-with-you as an excuse to worm my way out of real love. The kind of love defined by two people who are in it together. Not this unrequited shit I'm always wallowing in. But how do I stop? I think I must kind of like the drama of all it, because it's always happening.

I'm all about lists. Maybe I should make a list right now of ways to avoid this redundant pitfall the next time I start to crush on a boy. Let's get started:

Start believing that he's a good guy and not just some shmuck to have fun with.
Realize that he likes me for me and not what I can do for him (i.e. networking favors, sponsored cocktails, pet-sitting!!!!)
Look him in the eye and know that I AM a good catch . . . and he should be so lucky!
When he asks me out, not automatically think it's on platonic terms.
Don't hang out with guys who have girlfriends.
Quit disguising my true feelings with the whole "friendship" agreement.
PUT MYSELF OUT THERE! Just let it be known.

Those are some pretty hefty resolutions. I'm not sure I'm ready for it. We'll see how it goes. Don't worry--- I'll keep you posted.

New life, new process!

2007-10-04T17:09:00.000-07:00

In the last month I've:

moved out of the "Real World" House
moved to my sister's house
started a new job
said goodbye to a familiar friend
moved into my new apartment
vacationed in Las Vegas
become incredibly sick (in an icky, coughing, sputtering, runny nose kind of way)
slowly slid into oblivion
worked my way up into a perceptible context

That's a lot for one girl. Even if she is me.