Happy Halloween!

Remember the days of mini-Snickers, dressing up like a princess and getting to stay up late and eat candy with friends?!?!?!?! (Well, neither do I! I've spend WAY too much damn time at this office!) It's Halloween and there will be lots of baby ghosts and goblins out, so be careful, along with the tikes there will be hellraisers looking to start trouble, so have fun, but be aware!

Fun times at Teardrop Lounge

Cheers for one-year reviews (Kjersti), no more migraines (Michelle), independent cats (Sarah) and Mom's who visit for the weekend and bring you groceries and "utility" garbage cans (Ash)!

We met at Teardrop Lounge last night in the Pearl and had a fabulous time! Michelle met me at my office and then we strolled down to 10th & Everett. The weather was so beautiful, and we had a great conversation. It went like this:

Michelle: I'm so glad you weren't there yet! Now we can back over there together.

Ash: Back over there? Were you already there?

Michelle: Yah. Actually I was parking the shitty Altima right in front of the bar and then the Range Rover behind started beeping and lights flashing . . . the whole mess. The alarm was going crazy and everyone was staring at me in the bar so I didn't want to walk in and be known as the "Girl-who-drives-the-shitty-car-and-made-the-expensive-car's-alarm-go-off." So I just ducked out of the car and walked over here.

Ash: (Laughing hysterically).

Michelle: I didn't hit the car or anything! But you know how the Pearl is . . . we probably wouldn't have been served!

Once we got there (of course, we didn't even LOOK in the direction of the Altima!) we sat down at there mod and dwarf bar tables. Actually we squeezed into the blue booths. The server, a pretty girl with a lovely red tattoo down her right arm, informed us of all the specials. I tried the Last Batch Summer Sangria and M went for the Kiwi Daquiri. Her drink was definitely better than mine-tart and sweet. Yum. Then we went on a ordering spree and gorged ourselves on cold soba noodles with tobiko, truffled papas, summer shrimp rolls and hoisin chicken drummettes. And of course, we washed down the above with two more homemade cocktails. Mmmmmm. Sarah and Kjersti got there about 1/2 hour later and we had a great time chatting. I really needed that.

The co-owner, Daniel, is a really cool guy. In fact, Michelle and Sarah both have crushes on him. Ooohhh- how cute. But I am impressed that he makes his own bitters. I mean, c'mon, what bar does that?!?!?

When the leaves start falling, they're falling in love with fall.

This morning when I got to my bus stop I noticed the above quote scrawled on the little rain depot. Normally any kind of graffiti irritates me, but somehow when I looked around at the leaves turning gold and the blanket of foliage on the sidewalk, I got it.

Don't be THAT woman!

Yesterday my boss and I were walking to a meeting and I made a comment about my evening activites, which consisted of babysitting a colleague's 4 year-old daughter, and my boss said,

"Oh. It's sad, really. You used to go out all the time. At least several
times a week, and now it seems like you just work late and stay in."

Wow. The statement stunned me so much I stopped dead in my tracks. I know she wasn't trying to be mean or rude because she truly is the best boss in the world, but the comment stung just the same. It's one thing to have these type of sentiments rummage around in your own brain at night, but it's quite another to actually have people notice your life is turning pathetic and point it out.

In response to that "ah-ha" moment I've decided to plan some more activities and once again get back on track to being the "Smash" that everyone knows and loves. Enough with the moppiness, enough with the Sarah McLaughlin music, enough with the dinners from Paragon eaten out of a box in front the computer in my Pearl office. Enough already!

This weekend I am not only going to gorge myself of my patheticness, but also finally finish unpacking all those nagging boxes (containing memories that I think I subconsciously prefer to keep boxed) and see the movie, "One" which Melissa recommended highly.

(I'm also cat-sitting for my sister. Which is right back in tune with my "poor-love-stung" Ash theme, but I'll make it fun and maybe peruse her Pure Romance toys and books for some "educational McLovin' advice." And I adore her cat, Ramsey. He's shy, skittish and cuddly. The only man in my life worth blogging about right now.)

Where oh where has all the time gone?

Seems silly of me ask this rhetorical question when I'm pretty sure it hasn't gone anywhere. I just keep filling it up with more projects. And time-sucking people.

Looking at my schedule this week I realize I have to get my time under control. My Sunday began with waking up at 7am and not being able to go back to sleep because I was worried about all the things I needed to accomplish before Monday morning. I got up, unpacked more boxes and then - - - KABOOM! The weekend was off and running and it was Sunday night before I knew what hit me. Does this happen to other people. The whole, I'm-more-tired-on-Sunday-night-than-I-was-on-Friday-at-7pm?"

One good thing about this weekend: Frog Hollow Farm's yummy turnovers. They are nothing like the Pepperridge Farm sickeningly sweet, artificial pastries of yore. The Frog Hollow Farm turnovers are savory, with a crispy-crackly puff pastry wrap, filled with organic ingredients and herbs that produce something that tastes half-homemade and half-gourmet restaurant. They are delish! My personal favorites . . . Butternut Squash and Spinach Turnovers and the Mini-Risotto Tartlettes. Find them here: wwww.froghollow.com

Bus Bites #1

On the 6:

Last night I had to work late to finish the final edits for our new walking map, so I left the office around 8pm and headed out to my stop.

First of all, dumb me, I wore heels yesterday thinking I didn't have any meetings outside the district, but completely forgot in my new penchant to be more eco-friendly, that when I ride the bus I end up walking about a mile.

I met this woman at the bus stop and we started a conversation. She was asking questions about the MAX and the bus system and I naturally thought she was not from Portland. After several minutes of conversation she actually dumped her story on me.

• She was from Portland
• She works at the Nike Childcare Center
• She used to be a travel agent before evil expedia, travelocity, and priceline took her job
• She just got back from Jamaica
• The trip was not for pleasure but because she had to tie up loose ends because her own father was vacationing there a month ago and was killed in a freak scooter accident

I think my jaw just hung open for like, 2 minutes. I am in PR and people usually are drawn to me with stories . . . but this was like full disclosure on the 6! Like a good PR girl, I easily shifted the conversation back to banal topics, while also assuring her she was strong for getting through this rough period with grace and a calm demeanor. (Obviously, this was a lie.) But I almost felt that openness was cathartic for her. I could feel she needed to let it go--- and in a way--- I was pleased I could provide that for her. We continued chatting as we boarded the bus and when I got up for my stop I told her to stay positive because with positive thoughts comes a positive life, and she told me, "Thank you for listening to me." It made my heart feel a little better in the end.

Sometimes I think in the wake of my crazy, work-filled life I forget to listen. I guess it took a grief-stricken woman in need of an outlet to show me how to be a better listener, if only for 15 minutes.

Unwelcome late night visitors

This was posted on myspace by my best friend's ex-girlfriend. It's fucking hilarious! It's about her friend--this guy named Riley. I was actually laughing-out-loud when I was reading it.

Okay, so not all of you know my friend Riley, but after reading this, it had to be shared with everyone.

So Riley used to live in Portland and then moved. He is one of the most polite guys I have ever met, so it makes it almost funnier:

It seems like no matter where I move to I end up having to deal with an odd neighbor. My current situation is no exception.
The following happened just a couple days ago. Minding my own bussiness, in my appartment alone, finishing up a late night dinner of Jack in the Box's finest cuisine I hear a knock at my door. I don't know anyone in my complex, and very few in this whole city. Needless to say I didn't know who the hell was visiting me this late. I look out the peephole and see a girl in a tube top and short shorts outside. I open the door and she says semi-drunkenly "Is Nathan here?". "Umm..Nope, just me and I'm not Nathen." She says "Oh, do you have any beer?". "No, I just have some wine" SHIT- Why the hell did I just tell this poozer I have wine? "Do you think I could have some?"she says. "Well, I guess so!?, Come on in."
Damnit, I don't know this girl. Not attracted to her so don't question my motives. As most of my friends know I can be too nice for my own good. Anyway, she comes in and I fill a glass of wine for her. In the meantime she's telling me that she had got in a fight with her boyfriend and she was wondering around the complex in search of people with their porch lights on to party with. I tell her "Well, these lights are on timers and everyone's light is on". She continues rambling on and I'm thinking how the hell I'm going to get rid of this girl? "I think I'm going to go have a smoke outside" HINT! "Oh, I'll go with you, do you have one for me?" Arghh, "Yeah, I'll give you one". I only have one chair on the porch so I tell her to have a seat. "No, this is your place, you take it". Whatever. I sit down and she plops on my lap. What did I get myself into? So while smoking she proceeds to tell me all sorts of weird shit. She lost her virginity at age 11, she is a mother of two-one of which she had three weeks ago, and she was born in '88! etc... After smoking we come back in and she says she's gotta go check on her newborn. YES! Leave please. Not so fast, she wants to come back if the kid's asleep. I say "I think I'm gonna go to bed, but I guess you can try" STUPID Riley!!
What do you think she did? Yes, she came back, but not alone. She brought her newborn baby over along with her own pack of smokes! I'm thinking What the fuck!? By this time she's pretty tuned, so I say let me hold your kid for you. She saw this as a great opportunity to go have another smoke. As she went to go outside to smoke she walked right into my closed sliding door. Luckily she brought a bottle over for her kid. I stood in my kitchen holding, feeding, and burbing this baby. Not quite finished smoking, she comes into my place with her cigarette and holds it up to my face to give me a drag while holding her kid. What the hell, get that out of here! After finishing her smoke she takes her baby. I mentioned she was wearing a tube top right? Well, while holding he kid the top slides down exposing her boob. Uhh.. How about I hold the kid so you can fix yourself. She really didn't give a shit, she just pulled out the other one to feed the kid. I'm standing in my kitchen with this chick I don't even know with her boobs hanging out feeding her child. Could it get any worse? Yep, the exposed, lactating girl tries to kiss me. Hell no! "What are you doing? And isn't your baby daddy across the parking lot?" She says "Yeah, but he's just a boyfriend." After dissing her move on me she decided to call it a night. Finally! I offered to walk her home and carry the child so she wouldn't drop him, but she declined. Poor kid.
Sure was glad to have that over with, but wouldn't ya know, she left her smokes at my place. Just can't win. Next morning - knock knock. Hmm.. I don't think I'm home. I take off and leave the pack outside my door so I wouldn't have to see her again. To my dismay, the pack is there when I get home. Later that evening - knocking. It's her. "Do you have my smokes?" Sure Do! Here you go - later! "Thanks, hey I was pretty drunk, did we uhh.. you know?" No Way!
Man, I hope that girl gets her act together. I feel sorry for the next door she knocks on. Rest assured if it's mine, I won't be home - even if I am. Damn, I wish I were a home owner.

Oh those boys!

Does anyone else always attract "those boys?" You know what I'm talking about. The ones that make your heart smile and then destroy your life? It's like boy-crack. I'm addicted. I can't stop. I keep doing it.

It started with Nick, then Travis, now him. (I have to refer to him as "him" because his name is too unique. This whole post would pop up as number 1 on any Google search if I used it that many times repeatedly. So we'll just go with "him." Cleaner. Not so pyscho.)

My sister and I chatted about my very problem the other night. (Weeeeeell, we actually didn't CHAT about it. She was drunk and I was love-stung, so we honestly cried and hiccuped and sniffled about it.) But we came to the conclusion that I always do this. She yelled, "You always do this!" I bemoaned, "I don't know how to stop!" And in a Sex-In-The-City-esque revelation, we determined that I use this safe-as-friends-but-then-i-went-and-fell-in-love-with-you as an excuse to worm my way out of real love. The kind of love defined by two people who are in it together. Not this unrequited shit I'm always wallowing in. But how do I stop? I think I must kind of like the drama of all it, because it's always happening.

I'm all about lists. Maybe I should make a list right now of ways to avoid this redundant pitfall the next time I start to crush on a boy. Let's get started:

• Start believing that he's a good guy and not just some shmuck to have fun with.
• Realize that he likes me for me and not what I can do for him (i.e. networking favors, sponsored cocktails, pet-sitting!!!!)
• Look him in the eye and know that I AM a good catch . . . and he should be so lucky!
• When he asks me out, not automatically think it's on platonic terms.
• Don't hang out with guys who have girlfriends.
• Quit disguising my true feelings with the whole "friendship" agreement.
• PUT MYSELF OUT THERE! Just let it be known.
  

Those are some pretty hefty resolutions. I'm not sure I'm ready for it. We'll see how it goes. Don't worry--- I'll keep you posted.

New life, new process!

In the last month I've:

• moved out of the "Real World" House
• moved to my sister's house
  
• started a new job
• said goodbye to a familiar friend
• moved into my new apartment
• vacationed in Las Vegas
• become incredibly sick (in an icky, coughing, sputtering, runny nose kind of way)
  
• slowly slid into oblivion
• worked my way up into a perceptible context

That's a lot for one girl. Even if she is me.