It started with Nick, then Travis, now him. (I have to refer to him as "him" because his name is too unique. This whole post would pop up as number 1 on any Google search if I used it that many times repeatedly. So we'll just go with "him." Cleaner. Not so pyscho.)
My sister and I chatted about my very problem the other night. (Weeeeeell, we actually didn't CHAT about it. She was drunk and I was love-stung, so we honestly cried and hiccuped and sniffled about it.) But we came to the conclusion that I always do this. She yelled, "You always do this!" I bemoaned, "I don't know how to stop!" And in a Sex-In-The-City-esque revelation, we determined that I use this safe-as-friends-but-then-i-went-and-fell-in-love-with-you as an excuse to worm my way out of real love. The kind of love defined by two people who are in it together. Not this unrequited shit I'm always wallowing in. But how do I stop? I think I must kind of like the drama of all it, because it's always happening.
I'm all about lists. Maybe I should make a list right now of ways to avoid this redundant pitfall the next time I start to crush on a boy. Let's get started:
- Start believing that he's a good guy and not just some shmuck to have fun with.
- Realize that he likes me for me and not what I can do for him (i.e. networking favors, sponsored cocktails, pet-sitting!!!!)
- Look him in the eye and know that I AM a good catch . . . and he should be so lucky!
- When he asks me out, not automatically think it's on platonic terms.
- Don't hang out with guys who have girlfriends.
- Quit disguising my true feelings with the whole "friendship" agreement.
- PUT MYSELF OUT THERE! Just let it be known.
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