Some men are idiots.

While at work yesterday I was joking around with a friend over email and he admitted that he had met up and had drinks with a girl that he was hiring as a business partner in an event. He also admitted that they hit it off and she ended up going back to his place and giving him a blowjob. For some reason, this irritated me. Not that I care what he does with loose women, but I think it’s because I have a large number of good male friends who all insist they want to find “The One.” They are adamant that they want to find a secure woman with the same values and expectations they have . . .or at least, this is what they tell me, and then . .. they go out at 10pm at night to meet the caterer of their next event and then end the night with a sexual favor.

Seriously? Really? You think you’re going to find the love of your life- someone you want to settle down with and raise a family with- in a woman who gives out blowjobs to someone she’ll be working with imminently? You think there’s a future in a “wham-bam’thank-you-ma’am” hook-up? I call this practice the Monica Lewinsky Syndrome: the act of declaring you’re looking someone who understands you and unconditional love, blah, blah, blah, but actually you’re full of shit and you’re looking for instant gratification . . .and you probably have a wife stashed away at home too. I’m pulling the bullshit card.

Then I speak with another good male friend last night, let's call him Paul, and Paul tells me that he has a system for dealing with his "prospective Mrs." (Yes, unfortunately, this is what he calls them.) If he gets a "wink" from a cute girl, he'll "wink" back or chat back. If she's hot then she's definitely in. If she's "semi-okay looking" (Still not joking, he actually used all these words) then he'll still talk with her, and if she's not that attractive but on match.com that's a pretty good indictor that she gives good handjobs.

Ash Unabashed: Excuse me? Did you just say that unattractive girls on a dating service are better in bed? I'm not following your logic. And anyway, beauty is in the eye of the beholder idiot. No one thinks they're ugly. You're mean.

Paul: What?! (Said incredulously, like I was the one acting like an asshat.) Think about it. They're looking for a husband or boyfriend and since they're not that good-looking they're more inclined to perfect other skills so they can get a boyfriend. Therefore, they're usually good in bed. I could date a semi-okay (there's that word again!) looking girl if the sex was hot, but I wouldn't seriously date her.

Ash Unbashed: I thought you said you went on match.com to find a soulmate . . . I didn't realize you were in the market for an an ugly girl who gives good handjobs???!!!!!!

Paul: That's why I'm on match.com. To find someone to love.

Ash Unabashed: (Stunned and confused) Un-fucking-believable.